Over the last several years, Jasbina Ahluwalia has conducted in-depth interviews with numerous acclaimed experts who specialize in love, relationships, dating, and marriage. Drawing from her professional expertise as a dating & relationship coach, matchmaker, and host of Intersections Match Talk Radio, these conversations explore timeless insights, practical advice, and thought-provoking perspectives from experts like Dr. Helen Fisher, Founder of the University of Chicago Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience John Cacioppo, Dr. Amir Levine, Stanford professor Paul Oyer, Dr. Pat Love, and many others. Below is a curated summary of key questions and answers from these interviews, distilling some of the most valuable takeaways. For the complete context, deeper discussions, and full transcripts, we encourage you to read the original blog posts on intersectionsmatch.com.
All your question answered.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment”
Amir Levine: Yes. Take that attachment quiz. You can go to AttachedTheBook.com and take the quiz. You will get a sense of what attachment style you are. You will start to learn about how to tell what attachment styles other people are. It’s a game changer, I think.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever”
Dr. Pat Love: Because love has predictable stages. Many couples assume the lows mean they’ve fallen out of love, when in reality those lows are normal and can actually be pathways to deeper connection if understood and navigated correctly.
Answer: During this interview on the book and body of work related to Relationship Patterns and How to Overcome Them
Dr. Lisa Bobby: Because patterns form from early relational experiences and unconscious beliefs. Until those are examined and reframed, people often recreate familiar emotional dynamics — even when they consciously want something different.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: When you genuinely value yourself, you naturally set healthier boundaries, communicate more clearly, and attract partners who mirror that level of respect and emotional availability.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating”
Cija Black: Intentional dating means knowing your values, communicating your goals early, and evaluating compatibility beyond chemistry — rather than passively swiping and hoping things work out.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: By overthinking and not being present. Connection often happens quickly when people are authentic, curious, and open — rather than performing or over-filtering.
Answer: During this interview on the book and research on loneliness and social connection
John Cacioppo: Technology amplifies existing social tendencies. It can increase connection for those who use it to deepen relationships — but can increase loneliness when it replaces meaningful interaction.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting”
Marla Martenson: Because many people focus on surface preferences or timing fears instead of emotional availability and shared life direction.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Because if your relationship with yourself isn’t healthy, it impacts how you show up emotionally, communicate, and choose partners.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Everything in life exists in relationship — including internal systems like mind, body, and spirit — so self-alignment supports success in all external relationships.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St. John: Afformations use empowering questions rather than statements, helping the brain naturally search for solutions and remove subconscious resistance.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St. John: Because subconscious blocks often drive behavior; removing them creates natural confidence and progress.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: No — research shows many men actively want intelligent partners and value shared intellectual and life partnership.
Answer: During this interview on the book “For Better or For Worse”
Dr. Robert Moss: They create emotional highs and lows; long-term success depends on commitment and behavior awareness.
Answer: During this interview on the program “What Men Want”
Carol Allen: Emotional warmth, admiration, and relationship cooperation often matter more than surface traits.
Answer: During this interview on the program “What Men Want”
Carol Allen: Because they internalize rejection as personal failure instead of mismatch.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Is He Lying to You?”
Dan Crum: Inconsistencies across communication channels and emotional incongruence between words and behavior.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Is He Lying to You?”
Dan Crum: Because preconceived assumptions can distort how we interpret signals and behavior.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life”
Lorii Abela: Cultural narratives shape perceived partner roles and long-term expectations.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life”
Lorii Abela: Because family structure and long-term security historically shaped mate selection.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Unleashing Your Inner Entrepreneur to Find Love”
Neely Steinberg: Because obstacles reveal strategy gaps, not personal worth issues.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Be Fierce and Feminine and Get Everything You Want”
Rebecca Grado: Because people withdraw when they feel dominated rather than respected.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Be Fierce and Feminine”
Rebecca Grado: Because it creates safety and emotional openness.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life”
Lorii Abela: Because many singles experience repeated lack of connection and begin to believe love may not happen for them.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life”
Lorii Abela: Because helping singles requires a holistic perspective across coaching, therapy, and matchmaking expertise.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: Because needy people tend to attract other needy people rather than emotionally healthy partners.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: If you don’t love your authentic emotional self, you tend to repeat mediocre relationships.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: Because many people are motivated by fear of being alone rather than emotional readiness.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Find the Love of Your Life Online”
Christie Hartman: Because many people unknowingly make profile and selection mistakes that limit results.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Turn Your Cablight On”
Nancy Slotnick: Because availability must be communicated — people cannot pursue what they don’t perceive as open.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Unleashing Your Inner Entrepreneur to Find Love”
Neely Steinberg: Kindness, trustworthiness, and dependability.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Unleashing Your Inner Entrepreneur to Find Love”
Neely Steinberg: Because you can filter out potentially great partners by focusing on narrow metrics.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Unleashing Your Inner Entrepreneur to Find Love”
Neely Steinberg: Because vague traits like “challenge me” are too subjective to screen effectively.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him at Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: Because what we think we want is often different from what we actually need for long-term love.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him at Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: Because attraction and compatibility often build beyond first-impression chemistry.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Everything in life exists in relationship to something else — including our internal systems, our environment, and our human connections.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: If the relationship with ourselves is not functioning, it affects all external relationships.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Confidence is strongest when mental, physical, and spiritual well-being are all supported.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: Many men actively seek intelligent partners and value intellectual compatibility.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: The idea that intelligence intimidates men is largely a myth.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: It can prevent people from recognizing highly compatible real partners.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: Neediness often attracts other needy partners rather than healthy ones.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: Without it, people repeat mediocre relationship patterns.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Men to Run From”
Dr. Catherine Cardinal: To help women identify recurring unhealthy partner patterns early.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Men to Run From”
Dr. Catherine Cardinal: It helps prevent long-term emotional harm.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St John: Positive self-talk questions that help remove subconscious mental barriers.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St John: They rewire thinking patterns to support natural confidence and progress.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: Because real compatibility often differs from initial preference lists.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: It allows attraction and compatibility to develop beyond first impressions.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: Authenticity allows real connection to form quickly.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life”
Lorii Abela: Repeated lack of connection can create belief that love may not happen.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life”
Lorii Abela: Because relationship success spans mindset, behavior, and emotional health.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Everything exists in relationship — including our thoughts, body, environment, and other people.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Because self-worth, boundaries, and confidence all originate internally.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: It often causes people to tolerate unhealthy dynamics or avoid vulnerability.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: People tend to attract partners who reflect their internal emotional patterns.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Because emotional sustainability is required for healthy relationships.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: Yes — many men prioritize intellectual and emotional partnership.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: Generally no — many men see ambition and intelligence as attractive.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: It causes people to miss compatible real-world partners.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: Because of cultural messaging rather than relationship science.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: Because long-term relationships depend on compatibility in values and goals.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: It attracts other emotionally dependent partners.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: It creates trust and real connection.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: Fear of loneliness often drives decisions.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: It signals authenticity and emotional safety.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: Because partners cannot connect to who you are not showing.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: Because needs often differ from initial preferences.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: It allows attraction to build over time.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: Stress and novelty can distort early perception.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: Because compatibility often appears outside rigid preference lists.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: Small choices compound over time and shape outcomes.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: It allows real connection to form quickly.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: Because they overlook small moments of connection.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: They block genuine emotional connection.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St John: Positive self-talk framed as empowering questions.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St John: The brain naturally seeks answers to questions.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St John: They shape confidence and partner selection behavior.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St John: They create invisible self-sabotage patterns.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Everything exists in relationship — internally and externally.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: People unconsciously choose partners reflecting their internal emotional patterns.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Low self-worth lowers standards; strong self-worth supports healthy boundaries.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Because unresolved internal relationship patterns repeat externally.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: Because emotional burnout makes sustainable relationships difficult.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: It reduces shame cycles after rejection and improves emotional recovery.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Heart of Self-Love”
Heather Hans: They often equate self-criticism with performance improvement.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: Yes — many prioritize intellectual partnership.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: Data shows many men actively seek successful partners.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: It filters out strong real-world matches.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: Because media messaging distorts relationship priorities.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: Because daily life compatibility drives relationship satisfaction.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women”
Dr. Christine Whelan: Because emotional regulation supports conflict resolution.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: It signals emotional instability and dependency.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: It signals emotional authenticity.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: Fear of loneliness often drives decisions.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: It signals healthy self-sufficiency.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: Because authenticity eventually surfaces.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Naked”
David Wygant: Because unfamiliar healthy dynamics can feel uncomfortable.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: Because needs often differ from preferences.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: It allows compatibility and comfort to build.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: Stress and novelty distort perception.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: Because compatibility often appears outside rigid filters.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Have Him At Hello”
Rachel Greenwald: They rely too heavily on instant chemistry.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: Small behaviors compound into long-term outcomes.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: Because they overlook small social openings.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: It accelerates emotional connection.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: They prevent real emotional engagement.
Answer: During this interview on the book “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds”
Brian Howie: Because social conditioning reduces perceived agency.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St John: Positive self-talk framed as empowering questions.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St John: The brain naturally seeks answers to questions.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St John: They shape confidence and partner selection.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Afformations”
Noah St John: They create unconscious self-sabotage patterns.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Romantic love is driven by dopamine reward systems linked to motivation and focus.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Because rejection activates brain regions associated with physical pain.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Novel experiences stimulate dopamine reward systems.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Shared stress increases bonding hormones like oxytocin.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Because reward pathways remain activated.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Anticipation increases dopamine reward signaling.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Uncertainty heightens reward anticipation.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Reward unpredictability increases dopamine signaling.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Touch increases oxytocin and attachment bonding.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Shared reward pathways increase bonding motivation.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Emotional memory strengthens reward neural pathways.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Individual neurochemistry differences influence bonding speed.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Biological and psychological filters narrow partner selection.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Reward deprivation increases focus on lost stimulus.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Similar dopamine reward pathways activate.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Shared emotional exposure increases attachment.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Shared positive emotion synchronizes neural reward responses.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: It reactivates dopamine reward circuitry.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Predictability increases emotional safety.
Answer: During this interview on the book “Why We Love”
Dr. Helen Fisher: Future reward anticipation increases bonding.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: They assume lows mean loss of love rather than normal cycles.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Conflict helps renegotiate needs and expectations.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Brain chemistry stabilizes after bonding.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Loss of intentional emotional connection rituals.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Validation maintains emotional bonding.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Novelty stimulates reward bonding systems.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Fear of conflict escalation.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Repair restores safety and trust.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Humor diffuses stress responses.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Unspoken needs accumulate.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Predictability increases safety.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Stress biases negative memory recall.
Answer: During this interview on the book “The Truth About Love”
Dr. Pat Love: Gratitude increases perceived partner value.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: Unconscious relational templates drive partner selection.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: It interrupts automatic emotional reactions.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: Healthy safety can feel unfamiliar emotionally.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: Long-term connection requires vulnerability.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: Chemistry reflects nervous system activation, not long-term fit.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: They reinforce familiar emotional intensity.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: Dopamine reward focus overrides logic.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: It signals relational safety.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: It enables vulnerability and stability.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: Fear of vulnerability exposure.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: It surfaces unconscious emotional scripts.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: Attachment bonds integrate into identity.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: Prevents trauma bonding.
Answer: During this interview on relationship patterns work
Dr. Lisa Bobby: Reduces reactive decision making.
