Defining The First Impression

Jasbina Ahluwalia discusses with Dan Crum, author of Is He Lying to You?

There are several types of verbal and non-verbal deception that you lay out within the book. You mentioned the term “getting real.” I think this is so fundamental to the learnings in your book. Spend a couple of moments sharing with our listeners where that fits into this whole thing.



Dan Crum

I have an entire chapter dedicated to getting real. It is spelled “REELL.” It stands for Reset your Eyes and Ears, Look and Listen. I say “get real” because it’s easy to understand. When someone tells you something, you think, “Yeah, right. Get real. That doesn’t make sense.” This goes back to one of the primary reasons that I did this. It is to be fair to people.

Get to the bottom of some feeling or intuition that you have when something is not right. Do it in a manner that’s fair. Don’t go in with bias. Don’t go in like it’s a witch hunt, believing that someone is guilty before they’re guilty or they’re a liar before they’re a liar. See everyone with a clean slate. This is a person that you’re meeting for the first time.


Defining The First Impression: Getting REELL

When you meet them, you ignore the physical. You ignore those tattoos. You ignore the glasses. You don’t make judgments based on your biases. Let’s go back to what it stands for.

It stands for: 

  • Resetting your
  • Eyes,
  • Ears,
  • Look and
  • Listen from a fresh perspective.


It’s something that I encourage people to say to themselves internally. You want to think to yourself, “I am going to be fair.”

Say to yourself, “Get REELL.” Know that it means, “Reset my eyes and ears, look and listen.”

  • You give that person a fair chance.
  • You’re hearing things in a way where you’re not trying to prove your bias correctly.
  • You’re seeing things in a way where you not trying to prove your bias correctly.
  • You’re not on this witch hunt trying to find them guilty or prove their innocence.
  • You’re seeing it with eyes and listening with ears that allow people a fair chance to prove whether they’re someone you can trust or someone you find deceptive.


I want to share what I think is the most common question that I get. People say to me, “This is really good stuff. I love the principles you teach in this book.

It seems like our communication nowadays is very digital.” You and I are on the phone together. We might be texting back and forth. You’re in a chat on the computer. You’re on email. It’s this digital communication that we all have.

Then people say, “How do I apply what I learned in this book to the digital age in those situations?” When I published this book, instead of trying to throw in an extra bonus chapter to address it, I wrote a separate book.

It’s a follow-up to this one. It’s called The Faceless Liar. The subtitle is, Is He Lying to You on the Phone, Email, Text or Chat? I will allow your listeners to get a free copy of The Faceless Liar. I’ve included it as an ebook. You can download it and get it for free. You can go to Click on “buy now” to order Is He Lying to You? That’s the book that we’re talking about today.

You can buy the book at a special price for $14.99. When you order it, you will get an immediate download of The Faceless Liar ebook. That ebook sells for $14.99 and people buy it every day. If you orderIs He Lying to You? from, you get both books for the price of one.


Tell Us:

Have you gone into a relationship using the REELL technique? Going in with a clean slate is a good way to defining the first impression. Tell us your experiences in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dan Crum.

The entire interview transcript is at: Dan Crum Interview – Is He Lying to You?

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Is He Lying to you? – Dan Crum

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes