Know What You Want: Dating

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Cija Black, author of in Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating: I think you make a great point. It’s universally important.

A lot of people feel pressure, over the holidays especially, whether it’s meeting the relatives or other people you don’t see day to day.

Sometimes singles feel confronted with everyone asking about their love life.

If one is nursing wounds from a past relationship, some feelings can be exaggerated during the holidays. You’re making the decision for yourself that the timing may not be right for you. That’s okay.

Don’t succumb to pressures, which I know can be easier said than done.

Let’s talk about people re-entering the dating pool. They’ve healed. They feel ready. They feel enthusiastic about meeting someone.

What do you consider the first step that someone should take when they’re in that frame of mind and re-entering the dating pool?



Cija Black

Know What You Want: Focus

I think they should be ready to have that focus.

  • What is it that they’re really looking for?
  • What has worked in their past relationships?
  • What hasn’t worked?


Know What You Want: Framework

Make sure that, if you’re participating in online dating or however you’re doing it, that you have some sort of a framework that you’re using.

I’m not saying that you need to have this rigid list of things.

It helps to have some guideposts for what it is that you’re looking for.

  • What do you want in your life?
  • Where is your life personally without anyone else in it?
  • Are you happy with where you’re at?
  • How do you invite someone in who will enhance that and make it even better?


Know What You Want: Pressure

You’re not basing your idea of going into dating as, “They’re going to solve everything. I’m going to meet Mr. or Ms. Perfect and they’re going to make everything right for me. Then my life will fall into place. Then everything will be okay.”

If you’re waiting for that person to make everything right for you, you’re putting a lot of pressure on some magical person that you may or may not locate.

You need to have a sense of what that is for yourself and who you are before you step out there and start dating.

You’re not going to recognize what it is you’re looking for until you have that framework.


Tell Us:

Do you know what you want as you search for your soul mate? Tell us some key requirements below in our comments section.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Cija Black

The entire interview transcript is at: Cija Black Interview – Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes