Personalities To Avoid: Dating

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Cija Black, author of in Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating: I think you hit on something. There has to be an alignment for life goals and core values, whether you value a certain level of communication or growth.

Are there any types of people that you shouldn’t date and steer clear of?



Cija Black

There are some categories. I’ve definitely been guilty of being attracted to these kinds of people in the past.

Personalities To Avoid:

  1. Wounded Bird
  2. Bad Boy/Girl
  3. Drama Queen
  4. User


Personalities To Avoid: Wounded Bird

A lot of times, it feels like you’re helping them.

  • Those are the wounded birds.
  • They are the people who need help.
  • They are always reaching outside of themselves for someone to help them.

Women often want to fix the guy.

They want to say, “He’s had a hard life. I can help him see something better.” I’ve done that personally.


Personalities To Avoid: Bad Boy/Girl

There are the bad boys and bad girls.

  • They’re living on the edge and having a little too much fun.
  • They’re very charismatic.
  • It’s fun when you’re young.

It’s not so fun when you’re trying to have a long-term relationship.


Personalities To Avoid: Drama Queen

There are the drama queens.

  • Even if nothing is going on, they have the ability to stir up chaos and drama.
  • They will bring it with them. They will start it up.
  • They might be fun because there’s never a dull moment but there is always something stressful going on.

That’s not where you want to put your energy if you’re trying to have a substantial relationship.

You’re always busy putting out the fires and worrying about the drama. You’re not really getting to the meat of an actual relationship.


Personalities To Avoid: Users

There are the users.

  • They think, “What can you do for me?”
  • They need money. They need a ride somewhere. They need something.
  • It’s always about what they can get out of you.

It might even be emotional. They might be an emotional vampire.

They’re looking for someone to fix their stuff or someone to put their problems onto.


Personalities To Avoid: Rule of Thumb

They’re any of those people who have so much chaos going on in their lives that they’re taking away from your ability to have a real relationship.

Those are people to stay very far away from.

  • They can be entertaining in the short term. I will admit it.
  • If you’re looking to have a real relationship, it makes it almost impossible to reallocate those emotional resources into an area where you can have a real relationship.

You want to support each other and participate in the relationship.


Tell Us:

Have you come across personalities to avoid while dating? Share those stories with us below in the comments section.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Cija Black

The entire interview transcript is at: Cija Black Interview – Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes