How To Preempt Boss Lady Traits?

Jasbina asks Rachel Greenwald – In your book Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys about What Makes Them Fall in Love or Never Call Backyou characterize the “Boss Lady” as the #1 Reason Men Don’t Call Back.

Are there any suggestions that you could give our listeners if they have an inkling that they sometimes fall within the boss lady? Do you have any suggestions as to what they can do about it or how they might preempt boss lady traits?


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Rachel Greenwald

There are a couple of things. The biggest thing is to simply change the delivery of the way they speak.

They need to be really conscious of not delivering their comments in a challenging or argumentative way. You can still challenge something he says by asking a question, but it’s all in the demeanor. Try to be more gentle and fun rather than challenging and argumentative.

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For example, a guy might say, “I read this particular book. I thought it was fantastic.” If the woman thinks the book is terrible, she could say one of two things.

  1. She could be really challenging, argumentative and confrontational by saying, “You’re kidding. You thought that was a great book? It was terrible. I don’t know what you could be thinking. It was an insulting book to women.”
  2. Instead, she could say, “That is so interesting that you thought the book was good. I had a different perspective. I thought there were a couple of issues that really bothered me. Here is what they were. I’d love to hear your opinion about that. Did you think about it in that way?”

It’s a delivery issue. You can still present your own opinion but come across in a softer way. That goes such a long way.

There is another angle that is a bit different.

  1. A lot of women who are very successful and powerful in their careers have the mindset that they want to marry someone who is their equal or better. They want someone with an equally challenging and prestigious job and an equally challenging or prestigious educational background and income level.
  2. The reality is that there’s a big difference between what you want and what you need.
  3. I think a lot of women need to reexamine this. If they are the alpha female, they will do much better with a non-alpha male, a man who is more nurturing, kind and understated. Maybe he’s in a smart field but not necessarily making as much money. Maybe he’s a teacher, scientist or a chef. That might really have a calming influence on an alpha female and make her happier in the long run.

They will provide a more balanced domestic life. If you have two alpha personalities trying to manage and negotiate a household when you get married and have kids, that does not lead to a very happy marriage.


What do you think?

What do you think are some ways to preempt boss lady traits? Share your thoughts in the comments below.


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The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Rachel Greenwald.

The entire interview transcript is at: Rachel Greenwald Interview: Have Him At Hello!

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Have Him At Hello! Rachel Greenwald Interview

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes