Jan Yager Interview – 125 Ways To Meet The Love Of Your Life

“125 Ways to Meet the Love of Your Life”
Jasbina Ahluwalia interviews Dr. Jan Yager

A few topics Dr. Jan Yager address in this interview are:

  1. (2:22)      Personal Ads: Learn About Yourself
  2. (6:27)      Ideal Partner Fantasies Not Reality
  3. (11:57)     Acceptable Compromise in Relationships
  4. (13:56)    Love Yourself: The Key to Coupleness
  5. (18:05)   Embrace Dating: It’s an Adventure
  6. (23:15)    Obstacles Finding the One
  7. (35:39)   Arranged Marriage in India: The Norm
  8. (42:58)   Process of Finding The One
  9. (50:20)   Searching for Life Partner: 7 Principles

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Inspiring and energetic, Dr. Jan Yager helps individuals, groups, and companies to achieve their potential as she shares her expertise on relationships, productivity, and other topics through her dynamic speeches, coaching, and writing.

Jan Yager, who has a Ph.D. in sociology (The City University of New York Graduate Center), is the author of 35 award-winning books published by Scribner’s, Wiley, Doubleday, Facts on File, Simon & Schuster, Hannacroix Creek Books, and Prentice-Hall, translated into 32 languages, and 250+ articles in Parade, The New York Times, Redbook, Glamour, ConsumerAffairs.com, and other publications.

She is regularly quoted in the media and interviewed on TV/cable and radio programs including the Today Show, Good Morning America, The View, Oprah, The New York Times, National Public Radio, BBC radio, etc.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

(1:03):  Hello everyone and season’s greetings. Welcome to Intersections Match’s Talk Radio, a monthly show focused on the continual evolution into the best versions of our authentic selves. This is Jasbina, your host.

I’m a former practicing lawyer and the Founder of Intersections Match, the only elite national personalized matchmaking company focused on singles of South Asian descent nationwide in the US.

Ours is a holistic lifestyle show. We and our special guests will discuss relationships, social dynamics and health and wellness, each of which contributes to meaningful and fulfilling lives.

I’m very excited to welcome Dr. Jan Yager to our show tonight. Dr. Yager, who holds a PhD in Sociology, is an international relationships expert who has authored a number of books, including Single in America and 125 Ways to Meet the Love of Your Life.

Dr. Yager’s numerous television and radio appearances include CNN, The Today Show, Good Morning America, The Oprah Winfrey Show, The View and NPR. Dr. Yager has also been quoted in numerous publications, including the New York Times, Time, the Wall Street Journal, Self and Cosmopolitan. Welcome, Dr. Yager.

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(2:20): It’s great to be with you.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Personal Ads: Learn About Yourself

(2:22) Dr. Yager, as we often use personal ads as one of the many search avenues on behalf of our clients, I was interested to learn that you met your own husband through a personal ad you had placed.

I also noticed that one of your books has a whole chapter related to personal ads.

Based on your personal as well as professional experience, can you share with our listeners any tips you have for effectively replacing and responding to personal ads in one’s search for a life partner?

 

Dr. Jan Yager

Personal Ads: An Opportunity to Learn

(3:30): I think the first part of it is to see writing an ad as an opportunity to learn more about who you are and also the kind of person you’re looking for.

Elaborating on Personal Ads: Learn About Yourself.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Ideal Partner Fantasies Not Reality

(6:27): Okay. A quote from one of your books resonated with me. I’d love to share the quote with our listeners and then ask you to expand.

You wrote, “Unattached singles may fantasize about the ideal partner but rarely do they consider how their ideal might differ from reality or why their choices so often fall so short of their ideals.”

I’d love you to expand further on this idea, Dr. Yager.

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(6:56): What did it mean to you?

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

Jasbina Interprets Ideal Partner Fantasies

(7:03): As a matchmaker, I do run into people who I feel conjure up an ideal partner.

I’d love to hear how you came about this. I sometimes see that people conjure up ideals but I also see that their partner may be in a package different from what they anticipate.

I don’t like to see someone narrow themselves so much with an ideal that they limit their opportunities with others.

I was wondering if that was along the lines of what you were thinking. I’d love to hear the impetus for that.

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(7:47): I think that what’s challenging about looking for someone is this dual concept.

Elaborating on Ideal Partner Fantasies Not Reality.

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Dr. Jan Yager

Acceptable Compromise in Relationships

 (11:57): I have a joke when people ask me how I managed to have a marriage that’s so wonderful.

We’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this month.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(12:14): Congratulations.

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(12:15): Thank you.

I say facetiously and in a joking way, “For me, it was important not to marry someone who was neater than me.”

For my birthday this week, one of the gifts that my husband gave me was that he did the dishes. I asked him if he could do the dishes as one of my birthday presents.

Elaborating on Acceptable Compromise in Relationships.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Love Yourself: The Key to Coupleness

(13:56): Defining your own roles is important.

In terms of compatibility, I think it’s important to be comfortable as a couple to let yourself define roles instead of taking on societal roles in terms of whether you’re supposed to have children.

Another quote of yours from the past resonated with my professional experience. I think it’s a great one.

“I look around at so many frightened and jaded single people. They want guarantees. They have laundry lists for ideal spouses and never date or date 25 people that they never see a second time. I once was that scared, throwing my love into work, a surer road to fulfillment or friends, a safer way to gain nurturing. I’ve gotten stronger in the last few years.”

Dr. Yager, I’d love you to share with our listeners how you personally overcame that mindset that you describe as well as any professional insights from people you’ve worked with along these lines. It’s a very insightful comment.

I believe that you quoted it from an article you had written.

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(15:11): Yes, that was my article published in Newsday about becoming comfortable with being single.

Elaborating on Love Yourself: The Key to Coupleness.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Embrace Dating: It’s an Adventure

(18:05): That’s interesting. Speaking of the dating world, it can be a bit of a jungle.

I often run across singles who have become frustrated and sometimes even a bit disgruntled with the whole dating process.

I always encourage singles to try to adopt the mindset where they embrace dating and see it as an adventure. They can approach every date as a unique opportunity.

The following quote from one of your books resonated with me.

You wrote, “Of course, there is some luck and chance involved but there’s a positive mental attitude and that’s not luck.” You were speaking of yourself. “I learned to view everyone I met as valuable, special adventurers, looking for the good in everyone I met.”

Dr. Yager, I agree that mindset is so crucial in the dating process. I would love to hear you expand on this idea perhaps by sharing examples from your professional or personal experience in terms of this positive mental attitude and embracing this kind of mindset.

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(19:08): I see people reaching out in all age groups. People are taking more initiative.

Elaborating on Embrace Dating: It’s an Adventure.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

8 Obstacles Finding the One

(23:15): Absolutely. If you just go out with anyone then that’s not very self-affirming for them. This was very interesting.

8 Obstacles Finding the One:

  1. Perfectionism
  2. Not knowing yourself
  3. Failing to get to know the other person on a deep level
  4. Being in sync about timing
  5. You just might need a catalyst to begin your search
  6. Ignoring the rules of dating and courtship
  7. Giving up too soon
  8. Being afraid of change

Elaborating on 8 Obstacles Finding the One.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Arranged Marriage in India: The Norm

(35:39): That’s interesting Dr. Yager, many of our listeners are of South-Asian descent. By South Asian, I mean Indian-American or Pakistani-American.

Many of these listeners of South-Asian descent grew up in families where the parents had arranged marriages. They themselves may choose to go a less traditional route.

Do you have any insights or guidance for this group of people based on your research and professional experience as an international relationship expert?

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(36:10): Here is some good news. Are some of your listeners in India now?

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(36:10) Our listeners are throughout the world. We have a great number in the US. Then we have some abroad as well, including India.

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(36:21) Okay. 125 Ways to Meet the Love of Your Life is published in India by Jaico Books.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(36:31) Wow, okay. That’s great.

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(36:41) They brought it out a couple of months ago.

They published it in India because they saw a growing need for exactly the kind of help that the book offers for those who are reaching out beyond an arranged marriage situation.

Elaborating on Arranged Marriage in India: The Norm.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Process of Finding The One

(42:58): One question many people wonder is, how do you know if someone is the one? From your extensive research and professional experience, how do you generally answer that question?

 

Dr. Jan Yager

Dating is the Process of Finding The One

(43:09): It sounds silly but my definition is that the person makes your knees buckle.

Elaborating on Process of Finding The One.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Searching for Life Partner: 7 Principles

(50:20): Many of our listeners have a lot going on in their lives, as everyone does.

In your book, you apply seven principles of creative time management to the search for a life partner. I’ll read the seven principles aloud for our listeners. Maybe after each one, I can have you explain how each of these principles may apply specifically to the search for a life partner.

  1. Be active
  2. Set goals
  3. Prioritize actions
  4. Focus
  5. Create realistic deadlines
  6. Do it now
  7. Balance your life

Elaborating on Searching for Life Partner: 7 Principles.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

(58:07): I’d like to thank you, Dr. Yager, for joining us. This has been very interesting.

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(58:13): Thank you. I want to tell people to please visit my website, DrJanYager.com. They can also go to the website WhenFriendshipsHurts.com. 125 Ways to Meet the Love of Your Life is published in India by Jaico Books. Their website is JaicoBooks.com. In the United States, it’s published by Hannacroix Creek books. That’s HannacroixCreekBooks.com or they can get it through Amazon.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(58:50): That’s wonderful. Thank you very much again, Dr. Yager. In case you joined us late and you want to share this show with people in your life, I’d like to remind you that today’s radio show will be archived and available as a podcast on Intersections Match’s website, which is www.IntersectionsMatch.com. I can be reached at jasbina@intersectionsmatch.com. I appreciate you hanging out with us.

 

Dr. Jan Yager

(59:16): Thank you. I look forward to hearing about the adventures of your listeners. If they get 125 Ways to Meet the Love of Your Life and it helps, I look forward to hearing all of that good news, too.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(59:31): Thank you once again, Dr. Yager. Have a great night, everyone. Make sure to join us for next month’s show on January 24th

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Tell Us:

Dr. Jan Yager has presented the book 125 Ways to Meet the Love of Your Life to help lost lovers find their soul mates. What advice resonated with you the most in this conversation? Share your feedback in the comments below.

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