He Does Not Want Kids, I Do – What Should I Do?

QUESTION

I’m in a serious relationship with a guy I really love. I’m wondering what to do since he does not want to have kids and I do.

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ANSWER

The willingness and ability to compromise is an invaluable skill to have for maintaining a healthy relationship where both partners’ needs are met.

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That said, I also believe that there are areas where compromise might not be viable. I consider these to be areas of fundamental incompatibility, and I believe that a strong desire to have or not have kids tends to fall into this category.

  1. I strongly encourage you to discuss this issue with him directly.
  2. Each of you should candidly share your respective viewpoints and the underpinnings of your viewpoints. It is possible, for example, that you could discover that the timing of having kids rather than the decision to have them is the issue.
  3. If, after discussing the issue openly, there continues to be no consensus on whether having kids is a mutual life goal, you may wish to consider counseling to continue working through the issue.

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