I’m 20 Years Old, But Not In A Serious Relationship – Is It Ok To Have Sex?

QUESTION

I’m 20 years old, and I am ready to have Sex.

I’m not in a serious relationship, but I have been dating someone whom I do trust. I have thoroughly considered the consequences and am pretty confident in my decision.

Is it okay for me, an unmarried South Asian woman, to have sex before marriage with someone I’m not committed to?

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ANSWER

Whether or not to begin a sexual relationship is a decision that only you can make. While I cannot tell you which decision is right for you, I can share some thoughts in the hopes of empowering you to navigate your way to the right decision for you.

You say you are pretty confident about losing your virginity to this gentleman. On the other hand, you ask whether it is okay for you to do so.

Your question indicates to me that you might have some doubts about this issue. Doubt can lead to a negative experience for both you and your partner and may be a sign that you could spend some more time thinking before consummating your relationship.

Perhaps the following questions will help decide whether you are making the right decision for you:

  1. Why are you ready to lose your virginity?
  2. What is motivating your desire?
  3. Why are you considering losing your virginity to this particular guy?
  4. What is it about being South Asian that makes you doubt your decision?
  5. What is it about being unmarried that gives you pause?

While it can be difficult for many of us to separate our beliefs and values from those of our families and friends, the best decisions align with our own beliefs and values. The above questions will hopefully help you identify your own beliefs and values, as well as see how they may be similar or differ from those held by others.

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Keep in mind the following general considerations prior to engaging in intercourse with anyone:

  1. Consider having yourself and your partner ed for STDs before sleeping together.
  2. Consider what birth control option would be most effective and how you and your partner may react to an unplanned pregnancy.
  3. Consider that the release of hormones in connection with sex, in and of itself, may enhance your favorable feelings towards your partner.
  4. Consider that some individuals will have sex without having feelings for a partner.
  5. As first-time intercourse can involve some physical discomfort, consider whether your partner will treat you with care.

Good luck as you make your decision, and remember that since you had the courage to ask your question, you have what it takes to make the right decision for yourself!

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