YourTango Experts, Jasbina Ahluwalia, Intersections Match Founder, Abby Rodman, Maya Ezratti, Ellen Whitehurst and Melanie Gorman get to the bottom of an age-old quandry:
[VIDEO] Are Some Women Really Just Unlucky In Love & Relationships?
They discuss important issues when it comes to the search for a meaningful relationship, like the power of networking and putting your best foot forward.
(00:17): Lots of people say that they feel unlucky in love and yet, we all know that to heal that, you have to go inside. What’s the biggest mistake that women are making when it comes to finding love?
(00:27): They’re not being intentional about their love lives. I find that not being intentional about your love life can take on a lot of different forms for different people.
- For some people, it’s leaving it up to chance. It’s somehow thinking that this mystery guy is going to appear out of thin air magically.
- You’re not doing anything or being proactive at all. For some people, that takes the form of dating the same guy over and over again and repeating old patterns.
- Connected with that is holding yourself back by not identifying or becoming aware of rising to consciousness your limiting beliefs and fears that are really holding you back.
These are the different forms that it takes. I put it under the category of not being intentional.
(1:16): I think sometimes when people say, “I can’t meet anyone,” you’re not trying hard enough.
Go look in the mirror. People need to put their best foot forward. You may be unlucky in love. It’s because you’re making bad choices, whether you’re conscious of it or not, intentional or not. People need to look at themselves in the mirror. Take a good, hard look in the mirror and listen to advice.
Seek out a relationship or dating coach or get a makeover. Freshen up your look.
No one is going to love your insides unless they love your outsides. Every man has a type. Every man is attracted to a certain type. Put your best foot forward.
The same way that a woman has expectations of:
- What a man should bring to the table
- What a man should look like
- How he should act and behave
Men also expect a woman to have:
(2:20): You know that luck is my wheelhouse. Luck is my bailiwick.
In the forthcoming Luck Project, there are four pillars to luck. Luck relates to anything across the board.
- It could be your prosperity.
- It could be peace of mind.
- It could be luck with parenting.
In this particular case, we’re talking about luck with relationships.
- One of those pillars is using your intuition.
- Another pillar is networking. That’s pretty much what we’re discussing here.
It’s about the ability to get out and feel comfortable in your own skin while you’re out. If that takes some practice for you, go ahead and practice.
Go ahead and take yourself out. You don’t need to have someone else do that. Take yourself out. Go on your own date with yourself and get comfortable with that practice.
In doing so, you will not only be empowering yourself, but you will also be setting yourself up for what to expect.
You will be co-creating that new energy of a relationship coming in. Again, it’s being intentional.
Using some way or form of networking with other people that you feel comfortable with then creates that relationship. When you say, “Will someone magically appear?” Yes, if you set the scenario, someone can magically appear.
(3:37): Then you’re being intentional about it.
(3:39): Exactly. Then you’re being conscious about it.
(3:41): You’re attracting it back into yourself. It’s all about the law of attraction and the law of the universe. It’s bigger than us.
(3:46): I think that people feel unlucky when they’ve had a series of relationships that don’t work out.
There is this therapist joke. Someone walks into a therapist’s office and says, “I’ve just gotten out of five bad relationships.” The response is, “Was it five bad relationships or just the same relationship that you repeated five times?”
That’s something that people really need to drill down.
- What am I bringing to these relationships that they’re not working?
- What’s my baggage that I’m seeking out the same relationship over and over again?
People do it all their lives long. That is a surefire way to really feel unlucky in love.
(4:31): I think the idea of matching your inside and your outside is something that’s a really critical element.
If you feel unlucky in love and:
- You’ve done the makeover
- You take yourself out
- You’ve done the coffee dates and it’s still not working
I think your answer is right. You have to go inside. If you don’t feel worthy of the experiences being brought forth in front of you, something is up on the inside.
Feeling unlucky in love seems to be a feeling that might have some roots and reality if there is stuff about yourself you haven’t dealt with that you don’t really love about yourself.
The rest of it sounds like it’s a bunch of BS. You need to get out there, start dating and be the person you want to date.
Just take your chances with love because that’s the only way that love is going to find you. It’s not coming from the delivery guy.
What do you think?
What are your experiences in finding love and relationships? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Other videos by Melanie Gorman are at: Melanie Gorman YourTango Video Interviews – Dating & Relationships