Susan Winter Interview – How To Live The Life You Desire?

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

(00:48):  Hello everyone and welcome to Intersections Match’s Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show focused on the continual evolution into the best versions of our authentic selves. This is Jasbina, your host. I’m the Founder of Intersections Match, the only elite national personalized matchmaking company focused on singles of South Asian descent nationwide in the country.

As a professional dating coach and matchmaker, I’m always interested in fresh perspectives from fellow relationship experts to help me provide unparalleled service to our clients. I’m very excited to welcome author and evolutionary relationship expert, Susan Winter to our show today. Susan has authored a couple of different books, the most recent of which is Allowing Magnificence: Living the Expanded Version of Your Life. We will be discussing that today in conjunction with some of her thoughts regarding dating and relationships. Welcome to the show, Susan.

 

Susan Winter

(1:46): Jasbina, thank you very much. I love the tagline of your show, the best version of your authentic self. That could have been the tagline of my book. That’s fabulous. I love this.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(2:01): I thought your book was fabulous. I’m very excited to introduce our listeners to it. I also found it very interesting that you have a lengthy bio of other careers. I’m wondering how you got from opera singer to financial news broadcaster to author and how you found yourself writing about relationships and personal evolution. Tell us about that.

 

Susan Winter

(2:26): You’re really going to like this, especially coming from your perspective. I love it when life takes us on the journey that we’re actually supposed to be on. I did the things I thought I was skilled to do. I was a natural singer. I have a degree in theater as well. I came to New York with all those skills. I applied them because I did what was on the checklist of possible careers.

I found that 90% of your time, no matter how good you are, when you’re in the performing arts, you’re looking for the next job. I kept thinking, “Can I do something else?” I met a gal who told me about an agent who did these weird things. I didn’t know what it was. You worked as a spokeswoman for companies. You read scripts. It was a lot like Shakespeare. It was cryptic to a normal person. It was inside vernacular.

I had the exceptional ability to understand inside vernacular from all of the Shakespearian training so I did very well. Then I morphed into Financial News Network, which is a very big deal to not have a journalism degree. It was the original MSNBC. I had my own talk show. At the same time that I was at the height of what I thought was my chosen career, in my private life, I had fallen in love with a man 20 years younger.

I kind of knew that wasn’t really what one was supposed to do. I knew it was real and right for me. I couldn’t deny it. I allowed it to happen. It was that detour, being kicked off the freeway of what is right and correct, that I can thank today for actually bringing me to my true voice, my true words. They are not words written by a composer, not written by Shakespeare, not words written by Goldman Sachs or Citi Group or some pharmaceutical company, but real words about what I feel. This is what I love about life.

When you finally are led to what you are meant to do, every skill you’ve ever had, no matter where you applied it, all starts to come together. Then you find your groove and life opens up doors that other people are knocking on and can’t get in. Life really assists you. That’s where I marvel at the wisdom of life.

 

No TIME to Find Someone? We can HELP!

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Relationship With Yourself: It’s Important

(4:56): That’s wonderful. I love that. Looking back with hindsight, everything makes sense. Although, while you’re doing it, the pathway is not clear but it all comes together.

Allowing Magnificence takes an angle on relationships that I believe is the starting point. It starts with one’s relationship with oneself. Tell our listeners from your point of view why it’s so important to start there, the foundation being your relationship with yourself.

Susan Winter

(5:36): That sets the precedent for any relationship you’re going to have, no matter how my clients initially approach me.

They say:

• Here’s the story.
• He’s doing this.
• She’s not doing that.
• I’m getting mixed signals from her.
• What do I do about this situation with him?
• Here’s what’s going on with my life.

It’s all about the other person, what they’re doing or not doing.

When you start listening to them, on my end, you realize where they’ve been unclear and where they’re not stepping into their power.

Elaborating on Relationship With Yourself: It’s Important.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Culture Influences Love – Learn How?

(6:51): You write about the ways in which our self-worth and our identity are connected to our authentic selves. Tell us what you mean by that in terms of that connection.

Susan Winter

(7:04): We start off in life by learning how to be according to the world around us. Our society has come up with, “This is correct and this is not correct.”

The society of South Asians may be a completely different reality than an American growing up in the Midwest, the value system of what is correct and right.

We grow up adopting a system generically good. It’s been passed down by our ancestors and our parents.

Elaborating on Culture Influences Love – Learn How?.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Evolutionary Relationship: What Is It?

(8:59): You call yourself an evolutionary relationship expert. Tell our listeners what you mean by that. What does that term mean to you?

Susan Winter

(9:15): What I mean by that is that I’m not going to give you traditional advice on what you should do according to what you’ve heard in the past.

I’ll be giving you advice according to what you personally tell me is your desire. I don’t have to agree with what you want.

I have clients who want what I call romantic designs that I personally don’t want. I am not sitting in judgment about it.

You have to know what you want to create.

Evolutionary Relationship Expert

As part of being an evolutionary relationship expert, I would say that I got my introduction by being with a much younger man. There was no manual for me.

Elaborating on Evolutionary Relationship: What Is It?.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Dating Rules: Are There Any?

(12:48): That is interesting. We’re really talking about everyone having a personal revolution. It’s being reflected in the way they are in relationships, their way of being in a relationship. It’s a reflection of their own personal evolution. The more authentic they are to themselves, the more in tune with their own personal evolution they are. The relationships are reflecting that.

You mentioned Millennials and the challenges that people are facing in terms of finding loving partnerships in today’s world. In your view, what are some of the greatest challenges that you find men and women face in terms of finding their partners nowadays?

 

Susan Winter

 

No TIME to Find Someone? We can HELP!

 

(13:46): I’m speaking mostly about America and the European countries.

The day that the clock hit 12:01 in the year 2000, for me, everything changed. We jumped forward.

• Whatever rules people were using to create relationships went out the window.
• Sex was completely open.
• People were expressing themselves.

Elaborating on Dating Rules: Are There Any?

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Find Love Through Clarity

(16:43): That is exciting with a new paradigm. I would say that our listeners, generally speaking, are interested in seeking a mate. There are so many paradigms out there.

Do you have any suggestions for the listeners who are seeking a mate in terms of what to consider? I know you mentioned clarity, which I think is a great starting point. What are the things that listeners would be well advised to consider for themselves when seeking a mate?

 

Susan Winter

(17:13): The first thing, like you said, is clarity.

You have to know what you want and don’t be afraid to speak it.

Let’s say you are on a first date and they say, “What are you looking for?” You say, “I want to get married and have a family. I want to find a life partner and build a wonderful, dynamic life.”

If you’re hesitant to say that, please don’t be. It’s valuable information.

Elaborating on Find Love Through Clarity.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Work and Love: Finding the Balance

(21:01): As a revolutionary relationship expert, where one’s own personal evolution is so integral, how can young women best prioritize all of the important decisions facing them regarding career, love, family and friends? Do you have any advice on how to work through it all?

 

Susan Winter

(21:33): Young women nowadays are faced with tremendous challenges. I think they really hit the genetic gene pool lotto.

These gals are:

• So beautiful
• They’re ambitious
• They’re empowered

The only thing they lack is trusting themselves.

Elaborating on Work and Love: Finding the Balance.

 

No TIME to Find Someone? We can HELP!

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Relationship Advice: Don’t Ask Friends

(23:14): Speaking of recalibration and no mistakes, what are the biggest pitfalls that a woman could make today in trying to find love? This is given all the challenges that you mentioned.

 

Susan Winter

(24:05): I’m going to say something that probably isn’t something you’re expecting to hear. Quit listening to what the world is telling you.

The worst advice you can get is from most of your girlfriends or from those dumb magazines that tell you what to do.

Elaborating on Relationship Advice: Don’t Ask Friends.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

(26:22): That is so empowering. Listening and trusting yourself is wonderful advice. It really refines your gut. It paves the way for deeper trust in terms of that.

 

Susan Winter

(26:37): It does. If young gals can start early, they will jump on the bandwagon of the slogan that you have that is so magnificent. It is the best version of your authentic self. Understand that, when you trust yourself, I promise you the choices you make will have your friends telling you that you’re wrong. Then you know you’re right. If you follow the masses, you will be as confused as the masses.

When you have the courage to listen to yourself and you get the courage to follow yourself, it will look wrong before it ever turns right. You just stay with it. Your inner wisdom is guiding you in a way that is so far beyond the magazines and the dating information that you’re getting from the masses. You will start to calibrate that ultimate wisdom, which is your authentic self talking to you.

You’re born with a manual that is so brilliant. I truly believe this. I said this in the book, Allowing Magnificence, that we were born with the most magnificent computer program inside us. It’s tailored specifically for us. It’s not the generic factory manual. It is your manual. When you start to go to that for guidance and listen to that, you’re not only going to feel empowered in the light of everyone else’s comments, but you will feel the results of that unbelievable connection with your truth. Then it doesn’t matter what the others say. It’s a bit of a transit to get there. You have to weather everyone doubting you.

Before you know it, they’re all following you. That’s how it works. First they think you’re crazy. Then they think there is something wrong with you. Then they don’t want to be around you. Finally, they’re calling you for advice and you’re on TV shows. That’s what happened to me. I really believe that’s the way it goes.

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Online Dating Profiles: Set Intentions

(28:36): Online Dating Profiles: Set Your Intentions

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Susan Winter – Author of the book ‘Allowing Magnificence: Living the Expanded Version of Your Life’: Social media and technology in general is another thing in terms of ramifications when it comes to dating in the modern world. Face to face communication can sometimes become eclipsed between social media and all of the new technologies that are available.

How can singles use these technologies strategically as an asset as opposed to allowing them to become liabilities in the dating world? Do you have any thoughts on that?

Susan Winter 

Online Dating Profiles = A Résumé?

I heard a really good commentary. I went to the Massachusetts Women’s Conference. They had 10,000 women. I went last December.

Randi Zuckerberg made a comment saying that your online presence is your resume.

The first thing to remember is, anything you type, any electronic medium is there forever.

Be very much aware that whatever you’re bantering about on Facebook, whoever you’re bashing or whatever you’re saying, that is representing you in a way where not everyone gets the full context.

We don’t always understand where the humor is. We don’t always understand what someone is saying.

My sense of humor is more wit oriented. It’s more self-effacing. Sometimes I will say something and people get very bent out of shape. They don’t know that I’m joking.

You have to be very aware that the medium has its limitations. At the same time, it has such an amazing reach.

Social media is a great way, in the reverse, for you to check into what people really think.

You can watch their feed:

• Do I like the way this person thinks?
• Do I like the way they respond?
• Are they hot headed?
• Are they dogmatic?
• Are they open minded?
• Are they generous?

It also gives you a lot of information about them.

Online Dating Profiles Here To Stay

I think we also have to look at the online dating medium as something that is here to stay.

Elaborating on Online Dating Profiles: Setting Intentions.

 

No TIME to Find Someone? We can HELP!

 

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Men Seeking More in Women?

(32:15): When you look at the modern world of dating, what changes do you envision in the future?

 

Susan Winter

(32:28): You’re going to like this. As a futurist, the material you’re reading now was written 10 years ago. I could see where it was going.

Now I’m standing in the middle of it.

Some of the books that are sitting in my computer that haven’t been released yet are declaring this would happen now.

It’s 10 years after these books are written and not published. I’m going to tell you the very good news that I see.

I hear it from the young guys who talk to me all the time.

Elaborating on Men Seeking More in Women?

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Jasbina Ahluwalia

Do you have any last thoughts or take-home messages that you’d like to leave our listeners with? I know they would love to hear how they can connect with you as well.

 

Susan Winter

(37:27): The fact that they’re listening to your show means they’re getting really great information.

What you’re driving for is the same thing I’m driving for.

When you have people that know who they are and they’re living their authentic self, they will not deviate from their truth. When you have that segment of the population on board and aligned with themselves, everything that they do will be an easier decision and will have less drama and chaos.

Most of the stuff that we’ve suffered through was just because we didn’t trust what we wanted. We didn’t listen to ourselves. We weren’t true to ourselves. That is really the best advice.

Stick with people who endorse your being true to yourself. Check in with who you are and what you want. Trust that you are right.

Understand that, part of getting your whole life calibrated the way you want, comes through a series of trials and errors.

• Life is challenge and reward. You can’t eliminate one.
• You’re not making a mistake if you have challenges.
• There is a reward at the end of all the challenges. Don’t think you’re doing something wrong. That’s how it’s crafted. We can’t get around that.

Don’t let some doctrine tell you that it always has to be wonderful and good. That’s not even truthful. It makes you think you’re screwing up.

You will have challenges, but it’s how you meet those challenges and how you use that information to get clear. That is the purpose behind that challenge. Just trust yourself. You know far more.

You were born with every answer inside you. No one has your answers. It’s your goal and duty in life to bring that essence forth and show that gem to the world so that the rest of us can see it.

If you’d like to contact me, my website is www.SusanWinter.net. On Facebook, please come and like the page. I talk to everyone. We have a great group of people. It’s Author Susan Winter on Facebook. Let me know that you came through this show. Tell me what you want to hear about. I talk to everyone personally as much as I can. I didn’t want one of those dead Facebook pages where you just promote yourself. I don’t want to do that. I want to know who you are.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(39:58): Thank you so much, Susan. It’s been an absolute pleasure having you on.

 

Susan Winter

(40:01): Jasbina, thank you for your message and allowing me to be able to share this. This is really rare for me and very much valued. Thank you.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(40:15): It’s my pleasure. In case you joined us late or would like to share this show with people in your life, I’d like to remind you that today’s radio show will be archived and available as a podcast on Intersections Match’s website, which is www.IntersectionsMatch.com.

I appreciate you hanging out with us. Make sure to join us for next month’s show. Have a great night, everyone. Take care.

 

No TIME to Find Someone? We can HELP!

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What Do You Think?

Has Susan Winter provided some dating and relationship advice you will adopt into your lifestyle? If so, share with us what advice caught your attention in the comments section below.

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