Competitive Behavior is Unhealthy

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Rebecca Grado, co-author of Taming Your Alpha Bitch: How to Be Fierce and Feminine (and Get Everything You Want!): Even when that’s not the case, no one dies. Everything is okay even if it’s different.

The book discusses at length four different common alpha behaviors. The third one that you mention is a “competitive alpha.” In the context of relationships, how do you see that playing out?


Rebecca Grado

Competitive Behavior: Fairest of Them All

This is another little syndrome that a lot of women have been raised with. It’s the “fairest one of all” thinking.

Unless we’re the best, we’re not okay. Then we feel this sense of inadequacy within ourselves.


Competitive Behavior: In A Relationship

In relationships, you might think, “I don’t know that I compete with my partner.”

We see a lot of women in these situations. Let’s say that a woman and her partner are out to dinner with a group of friends.

If people start to spread some admiration to their partner, they may need to step in and say, “What about me? I got this?”

If their partner is telling a story, they have to cut them off and finish the story for them.


Competitive Behavior: Child Rearing

We see it in child rearing. If the child says they like daddy then we may feel a hint of competition there.

Any place that we’re competing with our partner, we’re don’t have that team mentality.

We’re being very divisive. It separates us. It ends up leaving us feeling alone in our relationships.

If we’re competing with our partner, they will back away from us. They’re going to pull away. They don’t feel supported. They may not feel respected. These are all divisive and destructive ways of being in relationships.

A lot of times, they go unnoticed. We don’t even realize that we’re doing them.


Competitive Behavior: Work vs. Home

Sometimes we get praised for being competitive at work. We don’t realize that we’re bringing that spirit home to our families and partners. It is so destructive.


Jasbina Ahluwalia

Your book shares numerous tips and exercises with readers. What is one tip you can share with listeners who find themselves behaving like the competitive alpha in their romantic relationships?


Competitive Behavior: Tips to Overcome

Rebecca Grado

There are a few. One of the other things that women tend to do is compare their partners to others.


Competitive Behavior: Learn to Accept

It’s important that we stop ourselves from doing that, whether it’s with a group of friends or with our partners.

We need to make sure that we are loving and accepting them for who they are rather than critiquing them for who they’re not.

I think that’s the most important thing.

We need to really value the person that we’re with for their uniqueness and who they are.

When we find that comparing mind going off in our heads, just stop it and don’t let that happen.


Competitive Behavior: Be Appreciative

We can also share the love. If we hear others praising our partner, we can make sure that we jump right in on that and add to all of their virtues.

Praise and appreciation are some of the greatest things that we can bring to our relationships. It’s the biggest ingredient that heals a relationship.

Any time that we can bring deep appreciation to our relationship, we cut right through the competitive edge. Those are two simple things that we can add.


Tell Us:

What tips do you have for those with competitive behavior? Tell us below in the comments section.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Rebecca Grado

The entire interview transcript is at: Rebecca Grado Interview – How to be Fierce and Feminine and Get Everything You Want!

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Taming Your Alpha Bitch – How To Be Fierce and Feminine

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes