5 Steps To Take When Talking About Your Relationship

Jasbina Ahluwalia    

That’s interesting. I thought it was a great point that you made.

If you believe that your partner has changed, chances are that you have as well.

The second issue I’d like you to address for our listeners is how to talk about sensitive topics like money, sex, children and religion without fighting.


Parijat Deshpande

There are so many hot-button topics in every single relationship that come up where it just hits a nerve or it’s really hard to talk about because you feel so passionately about it. It happens to everyone.

If you’re going through it, know that it’s not just you.

The easiest way to do that, and what I help people learn how to do, is to identify what this topic is.

You mentioned that it could be money, sex, children, religion or anything else for that matter.

5 Steps: Talking About Your Relationship

  1. Identify what that specific point of contention is.
  2. Then understand, know and be okay with the fact that you are not going to find a solution right away.
  3. Prepare yourself for a slow discussion. The slower it goes, the less likely it’s going to build up and turn into this firestorm of fighting, which is usually where you get deadlocked. You don’t really make much progress at that point. Make sure you understand that it’s going to take a little bit of time.
  4. Then sit down with your partner at a time that’s convenient for both of you and say, “Look, this is an issue that we have to resolve.” Take turns, which is really important. One of you should sit down and say, “This is how I feel about it.” Don’t go into solution mode yet. Just talk about your perspective so that your partner can understand where you’re coming from.
  5. Then you switch sides and the other person takes a turn. That might be in the same conversation. It might have to be on a different day when it’s easier for each of you to listen to each other.

Most Important When Talking About Your Relationship

The most important thing is that you completely understand where the other person is coming from.

You don’t have to agree with it but if you understand it, you can empathize with them. You can understand why they might feel the way that they do.

Compassion Comes When Talking About Your Relationship

That results in having compassion for each other. When that happens then you’re going to be looking at this obstacle as a team as opposed to opponents trying to change each other or trying to prove that you’re right.

When you’re looking at it as a team that is when you’re going to find the most successful opportunities to come up with a compromise that’s going to suit both of your needs.


Talking About Your Relationship Is Teamwork

Jasbina Ahluwalia

Don’t short-circuit and jump to that resolution and problem solving. Really help each other to understand.

Once both people feel understood, that will likely put out any fires to begin with. You will put each other in a mindset to problem-solve effectively.


Parijat Deshpande

Exactly. You want to remind each other that you’re partners. You’re teammates. You’re not going against each other.

It’s the two of you together trying to figure out how to have this life that you both want.

Slow and Steady When Talking About Your Relationship

Letting that be a slow process is the best way to do it. It’s really easy to want to problem solve right away.

We all have those tendencies.

Try to fight that as much as you can and have this discussion first.


Tell Us:

What have you found helpful when talking about your relationship with your partner? Drop us a line in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Parijat Deshpande.

The entire interview transcript is at: Parijat Deshpande Interview: A Clinical Psychologist On Indian Dating & Relationships

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Insights from a Marriage Family Therapist

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes