Meet With Online Matches

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Helen Fisher: Then you could see his romantic gestures in that lens. You could see it from his perspective.

For him, it meant X, Y and Z. You could appreciate it in a different way. That’s wonderful.

You mentioned your work with In addition to our one-to-one matchmaking, we have an online dating support offering.

We hand-hold our clients through that online dating process.

Based on your research, your work with and the surveys, what suggestions might you have for men using online dating for the purpose of finding a life partner?



Dr. Helen Fisher

Meet With Online Matches: Looking For a Partner

First, all of my data with and indicate that the vast majority of both men and women are looking for a partner.

When we asked the question, “What are you looking for?” in one study, only 3% said, “I just want to date a lot of people.”

The vast majority are actually looking for a partner.

That really encouraged me because I’m in that business. It’s nice to know who your clients are.

These are the things that I would say, not only to men, but to women as well.


Meet With Online Matches: Cognitive Overload

Foremost, think of reasons to say yes.

One of the problems with online dating is what’s called cognitive overload.

We get the feeling that there are one million people out there, and we should try one and then another.

The bottom line is, when you first meet someone online and then you meet them in a bar or coffee house, you know so little about them that you over-weight what you do know about them.


Meet With Online Matches: Physically Date

All the data shows that, the more you get to know someone, the more you like them, and the more you think that they are like you.

If you like someone at all on the first date, get to know them more.

Don’t quit after the first date. Get to know them on a second date and a third date.

You will begin to see things about them that you hadn’t known before. You’ll have more data to make a decision on.

Think of reasons to say yes. Get past that first date.

By the way, don’t stay on the internet talking to the person. Get out and meet them.


Jasbina Ahluwalia

I love what you just said.


Dr. Helen Fisher

Meet With Online Matches for Better Gage

You have to get out and meet them.

The only real algorithm is your own human brain.

  • You have to hear them.
  • You have to see them.
  • You have to listen to them.
  • You have to share your life with them and make that effort.


Think of reasons to say yes. Get past the first date. Get out there and meet the person.


Meet With Online Matches: Meet 9 People

After you’ve met nine people, pick one of them to get to know better.

You don’t want to get caught up in this cognitive overload, this spinning around like a mouse on a treadmill, constantly looking.

The more you do that, the less likely you will be to find anyone at all.

I say nine people because there have been some studies that say, when you walk into a room and don’t know anyone and there are 100 people in that room, after you’ve met nine people in that room, you will statistically have met the full array of personality styles.

Get to know the people. Get out there.

After you’ve met nine, pick one to get to know better so that you don’t get into this whirlwind of looking.


Tell Us:

Are you in a relationship with someone you met online? How long did you wait before you would meet with online matches? Tell us in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Helen Fisher.

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

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