Tools to Happiness

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Heather Hans, author of The Heart of Self-Love: Action comes before motivation. That applies to confidence, too.

You need to make a commitment to that. Doing something and seeing your ability to do it and get to the other side of it comes before having that confidence.

What would you tell someone who really wants to be their best, but struggles? They struggle with depression or anxiety. What would you tell that person?



Heather Hans

Tools to Happiness: Confidence

This links to what you just said.

In my own life, the way I’ve gained confidence is by acting first.

Whenever I don’t believe in myself, I put myself in the position to do what I don’t believe that I can. Then I achieve it. Then I think, “Okay, what’s next? What else don’t I believe in?”

First, I want to normalize this.


Tools to Happiness: Self-Compassion

Everyone sometimes feels depression and anxiety. It’s normal to feel down sometimes. It’s normal to feel fearful.

You are not the only one. Everyone feels that way.

Have that self-compassion and acceptance of yourself in the moment right there as you are.

You don’t need to be anything better or different in that moment. That in and of itself can heal you and move you forward. Accept yourself as is.

The more angry and frustrated you get, the more depressed and anxious you will feel.


Tools to Happiness: Healing

It’s like a vicious cycle. You can heal from anything. Life is constantly moving and in flux.

Do the action. Sometimes the action is being receptive with that feminine energy.

Let yourself receive from other people. Let yourself receive from the divine. Know that you’re moving and changing. You’re growing. You are not stuck as a depressed or anxious person.


Tools to Happiness: Remember Change

Life is always changing.

When people commit suicide, they are so stuck in that moment of things being black and white, and that time is not changing. They can’t see past that.

Life isn’t like that. It’s always moving. Things always get better.


Jasbina Ahluwalia

It’s the idea that we have our feelings, and we need to express them and own them, but they don’t define us. If we are feeling depressed, that is one thing, but we are not depressed.

Someone believes that that’s what they are. That becomes a static thing. “I am my sadness.” Or “I am hopeless.” As opposed to, “In this moment, I feel…” Like you said, it’s dynamic. There is a flux.

At the end of the day, what truly makes people happy? I know that happiness is what we all want.


Heather Hans

Tools to Happiness: Connection

The biggest thing that I’ve seen that makes people truly happy is connection.

This goes back to the fact that everything boils down to relationships.


Tools to Happiness: Self-Love

When we feel connected to ourselves, others and the divine, we feel happy. We feel peaceful.

Fear, depression, anxiety and addiction all stem from feeing disconnected from one of those sources. It’s either from ourselves or from other people.

There is some kind of isolation going on when we feel any one of those things.

Spirituality has healed so many people from addiction. The reason is because, when someone is caught up in addiction, they feel very disconnected. They feel disconnected from life, from a divine goodness. The feel isolated.

They’re trying to help themselves by numbing out those bad feelings. It stems from that disconnected feeling.


Tools to Happiness: Relationships

Anything we can do to strengthen our connection is what makes people happy. That’s what I’ve found. I’ve found that with so many people and in my own life.

When we’re connected, when we feel a part of something else, we are happy. There is belonging.


Tell Us:

What are your tools to happiness? Share with us in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Heather Hans

The entire interview transcript is at: Heather Hans Interview – The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: The Heart of Self-Love: How to Radiate with Confidence – Heather Hans

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes