Take Charge in Dating

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Debi Berndt, author of Let Love In:  In your book, you pose a compelling question to readers. You say, “What if I told you that you were responsible for creating every dating experience you ever had?”

Debbie, can you tell us about that?



Debi Berndt

It’s a really hard concept. We think, “Relationships are two people.”

You go out with someone and they don’t turn out to be very nice, they flake out or they don’t want to commit.

You think, “She’s the jerk. It’s something wrong with the world.”


Take Charge in Dating: Choice is Yours

All the time, we have a choice. We always have a choice of who we are attracted to. Sometimes that choice isn’t conscious, but we do make a choice.

You decide, “I think this person is attractive. I will go out with this person even though they have let me down so many times before. I’ll go back with this person even though they broke my heart.” Then they get mad because the person breaks their heart again.

They might go out on one date with someone.

The person shows that they’re not very nice or not really looking for a relationship. They will still fall for them. They blame it on this idea of romantic love.

They say, “I’m in love with them.” But you choose that. A lot of people think that love is about fate. I hate to take the romance out of it. There is real love.


Take Charge in Dating: Love Is Effortless

A lot of what people think is love is really dysfunction. It’s not really a true attraction.

When it’s true love, it’s beautiful and easy. There is hardly any drama. It’s balance, harmony and all of those wonderful things that we see in the movies and we wonder if it’s really true.


Take Charge in Dating: Control

We have a choice as to what type of love we want to have.

A lot of people don’t realize that they are in control.

At first, it may make you feel a little mad when you hear that.

You think, “It’s not my fault. I didn’t choose that person who cheated on me.”


Take Charge in Dating: Responsibility

If you acknowledge that you have, then you can take responsibility and start making the changes inside that you need to. You can be in charge of when you meet that person.

You don’t have to wait for some external force to make the stars align for you to meet this person. You can really start feeling empowered in your own choice of life.


Take Charge in Dating: Start on the Right Foot

I find that this is really the first step. That’s a great question to ask in the beginning.

People really need to get that first before they can take in any of the other information in the book.


Tell Us:

Do you take charge in dating or have you let circumstances dictate the course of your relationships? Share your experiences below in the comments section.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Debi Berndt

The entire interview transcript is at: Debi Berndt Interview – Guide To Allow True Love Into Your Life

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Let Love In

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes