Online Dating and The Illusion of Choice

Jasbina Ahluwalia discusses with Christie Hartman, author of Changing Your Game: A Man’s Guide to Success with WomenFind The Love of Your Life Online:

Success with women equals masculinity plus respecting women. It’s about being secure in your manhood. We know that confidence is so important for both men and women in life in general but also in the dating process.

There are people who are secure in themselves and accept those parts of them. Like you said, masculinity is part of being a man. When they accept that part of themselves, it makes it easier to accept others even if they’re different, which women can be in certain ways.

I found your book’s discussion of the illusion of endless options in online dating interesting. I run across that all the time. I’d love for you to share about that with our audience.



Dr. Christie Hartman

This is a huge problem in online dating. Online dating is a whole different ballgame than what I call conventional dating. It has different rules and assumptions. You have to approach it entirely differently. Otherwise, there will be huge frustration. When you get online and do a search for women in a certain age bracket with certain attributes, you can get a pretty big list.

You get this idea that you have all these options. You might think, “Wow, look at all these women. Look at all these amazing women who live in my city that fulfill my general attributes for height and weight.” It’s easy to assume that you have all of these options.

People compensate for that illusion by being pickier and pickier. They think, “If there are 1,000 women between 30 and 40 who have bachelor’s degrees and they’re all attractive, why can’t I start being pickier about how thin they are or narrowing that age range even more? I only want women with master’s degrees. They have to be women who want two kids, not three.”


  • It’s easy to assume that there are so many options. You get pickier and pickier. That actually works against you. That fact is, the illusion of endless options is an illusion.
  • In reality, when you get online, there are a ton of people on there but there are very few that you’re going to interact with.


There are even fewer that you’re going to connect with. You need to find those people by broadening your criteria and changing how you approach all of this.


Tell Us:

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The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Christie Hartman.

The entire interview transcript is at: Christie Hartman Interview – A Man’s Guide to Success with Women

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: A Man’s Guide To Success With Women – Christie Hartman

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes