Discover Relationship Desires

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Debi Berndt, author of Let Love In: I found the following words in your book empowering. I’m going to read these words for the benefit of our listeners.

“In order to use the law of attraction successfully, you must discover your true inner desire and fulfill that need on your own.” Please tell us about that.


Debi Berndt

Discover Relationship Desires: Feel Good

So many people want love to make them feel good about themselves. It’s sort of like a dog chasing its tail. They never get it.

They’re chasing something that is outside of them. They think, “If I don’t feel good, if I get this person to love me, then I’ll be okay.”

A lot of times, it’s not even about falling in love and having that experience. That’s maybe what they think.


Discover Relationship Desires: Society Approval

It’s really for them to feel that they’re okay and that there is nothing wrong with them.

Society is shaped around couples. If you’re not a couple after a certain age, you can be shunned. You feel like you’re left out. It’s a deep-seated need to belong.

That gets in the way of someone wanting a beautiful relationship and true love.


Discover Relationship Desires: True Desire

I ask, “What is your true desire?”

It’s great to have love, but what’s underneath that?

A lot of times, it’s neediness or needing approval. For me, it was having a stamp of approval that I was okay. Once I realized that I’m okay without a man, it was easy for me to attract him.

If I kept trying to find him to make me feel that way, this was my whole single life.

That’s why I stayed single for so long. I kept attracting men that proved to me what I believed about myself, which was that I wasn’t good enough or lovable.


Discover Relationship Desires: Dig Deep

You have to start inside. The desire of a true, lasting relationship should just be to give.

You want to give your love, share who you are, love who you are and want to share it with someone.

This is instead of, “I want to get something.” People can feel it.


Discover Relationship Desires: Right Energy

We talked about energy. People can feel when you’re tugging at them on the very first date. They can even feel it when you’re dating online. They can feel it in emails.

They think, “This person is needy.” They won’t know what it is. They will just get a sense. You get the sense of people who are desperate and too particular.

They want to know when things are happening.


Discover Relationship Desires: From the Beginning

I’ve worked with so many women. They will be dating someone who is really nice. They are great guys.

They would put a noose around their neck and say, “Are you going to commit? Where is this going?”

They squeeze the life out of it. Solve the neediness and dysfunctional stuff.

Get that out of the way so that you can be who you are and have a beautiful relationship. Then all of that stuff is out of the way.

That is why most marriages fail. People often get married for these surface desires.

It’s really not about giving. It’s about getting. That’s what breaks apart relationships.

If you’re single, you should take care of that first so you don’t have to deal with the divorce later.


Tell Us:

Did you discover relationship desires before finding the one? Tell us your desires in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Debi Berndt

The entire interview transcript is at: Debi Berndt Interview – Guide To Allow True Love Into Your Life

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Let Love In

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes