Deception: The Timing & Signs
Jasbina Ahluwalia discusses with Dan Crum, author of Is He Lying to You?
I’m happy that you set the context. Your book guides readers to find what you call their “window of focus.” I know that your book goes into great detail. Let’s do a bit of a sampling to give readers some insights so that they can pick up your book and learn more. Share with us what you mean by “window of focus.”
People have this belief that, once you learn these strategies and skills, you will walk around and be a human lie detector.
People have all seen the movies like Meet the Parents with a guy with my background. I’m former CIA. I have a background in polygraph. I’ve given all of these lie detector tests, done all these investigations and interviewed all these people.
People say, “It must be very difficult to be married to you. It must be difficult to be your children. You can’t get away with anything.” While I wish it was that powerful where you could literally walk around and be a human lie detector, it doesn’t really work that way. That would be a very difficult life to live. You would always have it turned on. This is a skill set.
Deception – The Signs
You need to choose when to turn it on and when it’s appropriate to use. It should be reserved for situations where you have some concerns, doubts or uneasy feelings.
You say to yourself, “I need to get to the bottom of this. I need to figure out what the real truth is behind what I’m concerned about.”
To do that effectively, you need to choose when to turn it on. That would be your window of focus.
I’ll give you an example. Let’s say that you’re in a relationship with a new guy. You’ve gone on four or five dates with him. You talk on the phone. It’s weird.
You always notice that:
- On Friday nights, he’s never available.
- He doesn’t talk to you on the phone on Friday nights.
- He doesn’t ever go on dates or arrange them with you on Friday nights.
You start to think, “This is really peculiar. Most people I know are available on Friday nights. He’s never talked about it. I wonder what’s going on.” You have this feeling. Now you want to dig deeper and find out what the issue is.
Deception – The Window of Focus
I recommend that you come up with relevant or focused questions to get to the bottom of this and find out what’s really going on behind it. Your questions might be as simple as, “What do you do on Friday nights?”
When you ask this question, you’re going to focus your attention on his answer. This is where you identify deceptive behavior. You identify deceptive behavior in a specific window of focus after you ask a question.
You ask this man, “What do you do on Friday nights?” He takes in the question. He acknowledges it. He understands what you just asked him. Now, he has a window of up to about five seconds.
People have varying ranges of what they think is appropriate here. I would say up to about five seconds.
Deception – Body Language
Now you’re going to look for deceptive behavior. These are things he does with his body.
You’re going to listen for deceptive behavior in the things that he does with his voice. It’s only relevant within what this person does within that small window of focus.
Outside of that, there could be a number of things that could impact what they do with their body and voice. You might look back at my book and say, “That was deceptive behavior.”
It may have been, but it wasn’t necessarily deceptive behavior related to the question that you just asked. You’re trying to determine if they were lying to you on the question that you asked them. That’s where it really matters.
All of these other things don’t really matter except for what you’re trying to determine as truthful behavior.
How do men lie? Have you experience deception? Tell us your experiences in the comments section below.
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dan Crum.
The entire interview transcript is at: Dan Crum Interview – Is He Lying to You?
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Is He Lying to you? – Dan Crum
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes