Controlling Behavior in Relationships

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Rebecca Grado, co-author of Taming Your Alpha Bitch: How to Be Fierce and Feminine (and Get Everything You Want!): The “forceful alpha” was the first one. The second of the four common alpha behaviors you mention is the “controlling alpha.”

In the context of relationships, will you explain to our readers what that might be?


Rebecca Grado

I think this is the one area that most women can recognize themselves in.

Controlling Behavior: Micromanaging

How many of us have been micromanaging? We have this attitude that, if we’re not overseeing all things and all people, it just won’t get done.

It’s sort of a disease that a lot of women have these days. Therefore, they feel drained, overwhelmed and exhausted at the end of the day. They’re running all things at all times.


Controlling Behavior: Mothering

With our partner, we fall into the trap of being mommies to the guys in our lives rather than being partners with them.

It’s almost like we’re afraid to let go of control.


Controlling Behavior: Follow-Up Directions

We say, “Can you finish the laundry? Well, how did you sort? Which detergent did you use?”

What I see with the guys is that they start backing off. If they don’t feel empowered in themselves to handle things on their own, they start relinquishing responsibility.

Then, it confirms for us that we need to take over more. After all, they’re not doing their jobs the way that we want them to do the jobs.


Controlling Behavior: Trust

This is a space where women need to really practice trust, trust in themselves, trust in their children and the people around them.

We need to allow to do things differently than the way we do them but trust that it will get done.


Controlling Behavior: Be Surprised

In my relationships, one of the greatest surprises that I see is that others do things differently, but when I really sit back and allow it, sometimes I’m surprised that their way might even be better. I can learn something.

That’s always a delight for me. When I sit back and don’t control the situation, I’m pleasantly surprised to see that I can learn something from other people.


Tell Us:

How many of you identify yourselves as having controlling behavior? Let us know in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Rebecca Grado

The entire interview transcript is at: Rebecca Grado Interview – How to be Fierce and Feminine and Get Everything You Want!

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Taming Your Alpha Bitch – How To Be Fierce and Feminine

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes