Avoidant Attachment: Singles Mingling

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Amir Levine, author of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find- and Keep- Love: There are cultural misconceptions when it comes to this. In your book, you explain why, when you’re out and about, you’re more likely to meet other singles with an avoidant attachment style. Why is that?



Dr. Amir Levine

Anxious Attachment vs Avoidant Attachment

I love to give these examples of two patients that I had.

One had an anxious attachment style. He broke up with his girlfriend. They broke up about seven months before. He said, “I can’t stop thinking about her.” He said he thinks about her every ten minutes throughout the day.

I had another patient who had an avoidant attachment style. He broke up with his girlfriend two weeks prior to that. He said, “No, I don’t really think about her so much anymore. The last time I thought about her was last night when I went out on a date with someone else. I was wondering if I should wear the shirt that she gave me as a present.”

That shows you, people who are secures are keepers. They tend to stay in relationships for a long time.


Avoidant Attachment Style Re-Circle Quickly

People who have an anxious attachment style take a very long time to get over other people. It can take months and years. They tend to stay home and lick their wounds.

People with the avoidant style tend to re-circle very quickly into the dating pool. They think, “Okay, I’m moving on to the next person.”

That’s one of the reasons that they are over-represented.

Also, it takes them a lot longer to get close to someone. They start to feel uncomfortable. They have this whole notion of “the one.” They think, “I just haven’t met the right one yet.”

They have this idea that if, they fall in love fast enough and hard enough, then it will be the one. Then it doesn’t happen.


Tell Us:

How many times have you found yourself on a date with someone of the avoidant attachment style? Share those experiences with us in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Amir Levine

The entire interview transcript is at: Amir Levine Interview – Insights on Dating From A Psychiatrist And Neuroscientist

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Insights From A Psychiatrist – Dr. Amir Levine Discussion – Author ‘Attached’

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes