Attachment in Relationships

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Lisa Bobby, a Board Certified Life Coach: What do you think is at the root of the pre-marital problems that you see?



Dr. Lisa Bobby

When it comes to that very common problem of the pursue/withdraw pattern, it is related to that sense of attachment.


Attachment in Relationships: Glue

Attachment is the glue that holds a relationship together. Whenever that attachment is disrupted is when you see people engaging in conflict, either pursuing or withdrawing.


Attachment in Relationships: Safety

The thing to do in these moments is to try to help each other feel safe.

Don’t just take what someone is saying if they are getting angry and critical. Try not to take that at face value, but really see underneath it. What are they trying to communicate?

People seem angry when they’re feeling hurt or scared. Try to figure out, “What is going on with my partner that is making them feel so hurt or scared right now?” Then attend to that.


Attachment in Relationships: Withdrawal

Similarly, when people withdraw, it’s because their safety in the relationship has been disrupted.

For someone whose partner seems to be withdrawing, don’t take it personally. You can think, “They’re not feeling safe with me right now. What can I do to help them feel safe and not like I’m going to snap their head off or be upset with them if they come close to me emotionally?”

Understand that attachment is always at the core.


Tell Us:

Can you sense attachment in relationships? Tell us your thoughts in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Lisa Bobby

The entire interview transcript is at: Dr. Lisa Bobby Interview – Relationship Patterns (and How to Overcome Them)

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: NetIP Spotlight- Live Your Potential: Relationship Patterns (and How to Overcome Them) – Dr. Lisa Bobby

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes