What Sparks My Desire?

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Pat Love, author of The Truth About Love: The love that you feel is the love that you give.

You talked in your book about couples where one partner has a greater interest in sex than the other. This can be a common issue for many couples.

What are some tips and things that a couple can do in that situation? They’re not alone. There are many couples in that situation.



Dr. Pat Love

We could talk a long time about this one.


What Sparks My Desire: Do You Want To Be Sexual?

First, you have to find out the bottom line. I say to couples, “Do you want to be sexual?”

Generally, they say, “Yes, of course.” The question usually isn’t, “Will we?” It’s not if we will be sexual. It’s how you get there.

I wrote a book about this called Hot Monogamy. You have to understand your own desire.


What Sparks My Desire? Take Responsibility

You have to be responsible for your own desire. It doesn’t mean that you do it all yourself.

If I don’t know what sparks my desire, how can I tell my partner?

It goes back to finding out what says “I love you” and give it as a gift.

Find out what sparks your desire. Then you become responsible.


What Sparks My Desire? What Do I Want?

Having said that, if you both want a healthy, sexual relationship, this is my best advice.

If you both agree that sex is important to your relationship, here is the question that you should ask. It’s not, “What do I want? What do you want?”

You want to ask, “What is best for the relationship?” If you decide that the relationship really needs and deserves a healthy, robust sexual relationship then the answer should always be “yes.”


What Sparks My Desire: Effects of Stress

As a person who has what I would call more of a sexy brain than a sexy body, it means that I need to have my stress lowered.

I need to feel connected to my partner. People come in two varieties sexually. There is the sexy body and the sexy brain.

Some people walk around and are ready for sex all the time.

The second person walks around thinking, “My stress has to be lowered. I have to feel connected to you. You have to be truly kind to me or my desire level won’t show up.”

It’s not an excuse. It truly is a biological fact. If I say, “You say when and I say how,” there are many ways to be sexual. You should never let sex be a tug of war in a relationship.


Tell Us:

Do you know what sparks your desire? Dish with us in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Pat Love.

The entire interview transcript is at: Dr. Pat Love Interview – Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever – Dr. Pat Love

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes