Relationship Baggage: What Is It?

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Cija Black, author of in Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating: I completely agree in terms of those precautions.

Someone who is having difficulty with boundaries in online dating will find that pretty much every other avenue can be challenging.

It’s worth investing in figuring out your boundaries when you’re looking for a sustainable, serious relationship.

Earlier, you mentioned relationship baggage. What do you mean by that?



Cija Black

Relationship Baggage: Definition

Relationship baggage is the stuff that we collect in our lives along the way as we’re learning about what relationships are.

  • It’s how we see our parents behave towards each other.
  • It’s the things that we see in movies and hear in songs.
  • It’s also the things that we experience ourselves about relationships.


Relationship Baggage: Collection

As we go along, we collect these things. We say, “That’s what love is.”

We see Pretty in Pink. We think, “Okay, that’s what love looks like. There are great, grand gestures.”

We see that our parents were not really demonstrative about their affection.


Relationship Baggage: Internalization

It’s those things that we gather up and internalize. In turn, we use those in our own love lives.

Often, we collect these things and they can be a detriment to us finding love because we’ve created these rules or scenarios about relationships.

It turns out that they’re causing us problems. All of that stuff is the baggage. It’s a matter of how we use it and if we’re aware of it.


Tell Us:

If you have an additional definition of relationship baggage, be sure to share it with us below in the comments section.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Cija Black

The entire interview transcript is at: Cija Black Interview – Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes