Unpredictable Attraction: Embrace It
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Lori Gottlieb – Author of the book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough: That’s interesting. During the personal consultations that we conduct as part of our process, we discuss essential needs or must-haves on the one hand and deal-breakers on the other.
I typically find it meaningful to probe the underlying “why” behind each must-have and deal-breaker.
Perhaps for that reason, the following quote from your book really resonated with me.
Must-Haves We Use to Avoid Unpredictable Attraction
You said, “That’s a mistake many of us make. Our must-haves and deal-breakers are the “what” when they should be the “why.” Can you explain that to us?
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That was so interesting. We know what we’re attracted to when we see it.
Unpredictable Attraction: No “Why”
In advance, we often don’t know what it’s going to be. That’s because we know what we’re attracted to but we don’t know why.
Here is an example. Let’s say that you said:
- I want someone who has a stable job with health insurance.
- I don’t want to go out with artists. I don’t like artists.
- I want to go out with someone who is more stable than that.
It turns out that you end up falling in love with a freelance composer. How can that be?
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Explaining Unpredictable Attraction
You are attracted to the intellect or ambition of this person. Maybe the composer is very intellectual and ambitious but he doesn’t have a stable corporate job.
Unpredictable Attraction, It Is Undeniable
You don’t know why you’re attracted to that but you know that you’re attracted to that person.
I think we get tripped up by having these very rigid ideas about who it is we will or will not go out with.
Are you in a relationship with someone who has qualities you once that you did not want in a partner? Share with us in the comments below.
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The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Lori Gottlieb.
The entire interview transcript is at: Lori Gottlieb Interview – Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough – Lori Gottlieb
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes