In this video, Jasbina addresses the question: How tightly should I hold on to my “deal-breakers”?  I don’t want to get burned but I also don’t want to turn away a great match for the wrong reasons.


Jasbina Ahluwalia

As a matchmaker and dating coach to highly selective men and women, I want to  reassure you that your concern is one I hear often.

Whether deal-breakers become assets or liabilities depends on your approach. 

Generally speaking, commitment-minded men tend to gravitate towards selective women with standards.  

The key to achieving the balance of having standards while at the same time not missing opportunities with potentially great partners is to select your deal-breakers very carefully, armed with a high level of self-awareness.

Self-audit the deal-breakers you’re holding on to by asking yourself the following three questions

  1. Do your deal-breakers reflect those traits which will highly impact your day to day well-being for the long term such as insensitivity or unkindness, as opposed to less impactful deal-breakers such as his being only two, rather than three, inches taller than you.
  1. Also  ask yourself whether your deal-breakers reflect your own priorities, values and emotional needs, as opposed to external expectations held by others (for example, your friends or family)?  Don’t fall into the trap of adopting others’ deal-breakers as your own without first considering the relevancy of those deal-breakers to what will truly make you happy.
  1. It also helps to ask yourself:  what will your prospective partner have to put up with if he chooses to be with you?  None of us is perfect.  Keeping our own fallibilities and weaknesses in mind can help us maintain a realistic

perspective regarding our dealbreakers and the imperfections we can deal with in a partner.

The key to having dealbreakers work for rather than against you is in your approach.

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