Setting Boundaries With His Mom
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Catherine Cardinal, author of, Men to Run From: So You Can Find the Right One to Run to: It sounds like the guy would have to be open to establishing those boundaries.
Dr. Catherine Cardinal
That’s right. As the woman, if you’re feeling this about your partner and his mom, you have to make very clear requests of him.
Remember, he’s emotionally involved with the mom. He may not be hearing you clearly.
I tell women that it’s our responsibility to communicate very clearly and unemotionally without making the man wrong. Otherwise, he won’t hear anything.
Setting Boundaries With His Mom: Make Requests
You can make requests like, “The next time we go out with your mom, can you please make sure that you show some warmth and affection to me? I want your mom to know how important I am to you. I want you to include me in and not feel shut out.”
That’s something that you can ask of him. If there is a time that his mother has been critical to you in front of him, you can ask him, “What your mom said hurt my feelings. I’m wondering if something like that is said again if you could please stand up for me.”
You’re training him to cut the apron strings, little bit by little bit. Remember, he’s been with her since he was born.
Setting Boundaries With His Mom: Practice Patience
You probably have to practice some patience and make these requests one at a time. I’ve seen these guys break away, like in the case of Mindy and George.
You must be patient. You can’t yell, scream or nag. Then, all you do is become the bad one and make her look even better.
Like you said, he grew up in this situation. He may not realize his girlfriend or wife’s perspective. Spelling it out in a non-confrontational way is a great first step.
Dr. Catherine Cardinal
Setting Boundaries With His Mom: Communicate
Exactly. Some of them are, I don’t want to say “trainable” because they’re not puppies. Men sometimes just don’t know.
They need a kind, loving woman who can communicate clearly and unemotionally without making him wrong first.
I’ve seen many of these types of men from this book blossom into amazing partners. A lot of the responsibility lies upon the woman and her ability to communicate.
In setting boundaries with his mom have you learned any communication techniques that help? Share with us in the comments section below.
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Catherine Cardinal
The entire interview transcript is at: Catherine Cardinal Interview – Men To Run From To Find One To Run To
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Men to Run From: So you can find the one to run to
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes