Self-Discovery From Relationships

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Craig Martin, author of Elemental Love Styles: That brings us to part four of your book, which shares with the readers how greater self-discovery and intimacy in a relationship can help readers achieve their highest potential as individuals.

I’d like to share with our listeners one insight from this part of your book and then have you expand on it.

Self-Discovery For A Long-Lasting Relationship

You write, “Doing the honest, intimate work of a healthy relationship has an amazing effect on both you and your partner, individually and as a couple. Not only does it help your relationship work out and last, but it also brings with it the opportunity to achieve your potential.”

You later write, “Potential is a goal, not a state of being. It is something you work towards. You can’t be expected to act from your potential all the time. Your potential is something you strive for.” This is such a great quote.

I will continue with it. “You do this by making good choices. The good choices I’m referring to are the ones you make regarding your character. They are made through intimacy, love, honesty and dynamic inner growth. Your relationship is the best place for you to become more aware of yourself, the choices you make and the effect those choices have on your partner.”

I chose particular passages where you focus on empowerment and choices. That is what I find most compelling. Can you expand and tell us about your words here?


Dr. Craig Martin

First, I’m so flattered that you’re picking out such important parts of this material for me. In writing the book, my motivation was to have people see exactly the parts that you’re bringing up. I get emails from people who mention these same things.

Self-Discovery and Spiritual Growth

You might not realize that, part of why you want to pick someone in your life is so that you can grow together in a spiritual relationship.

It has more content than just, “We’re hot for each other. Let’s make a lot of money.”

Those relationships are lovely but they don’t last either. They don’t have a foundation.

  • If the money gets tight, then what happens if the foundation was all about making money?
  • If it was all about looks, what happens when you become old?

You brought up the last part of the book, which for me, is something so deep and meaningful.

Change for the Better, Self-Discovery

Being in a relationship with another person who you love changes you for the better because of that love.

In the process of loving someone, you want to treat them the best way you can. You read the perfect quote.

Self-Discovery and Consciousness

We all have those shadows. Our best potential is not going to show up all the time. Sometimes we’re going to slip into those unconscious patterns that prevent us from acting from our potential.

We’re not always acting from that place. A good relationship encourages you towards that end.

Self-Discovery and Loss of Egos

A good relationship always says, “Hey, let’s work it out.” What happens when you work it out with another person? You find inside yourself the loving that causes you to rise into your better behavior.

There is no longer a need for petty ego games. There’s no longer a need for trying to manipulate or control someone in a way that’s not of a higher spiritual potential.

The truth is that, just within the act of loving, we can use any of the four elemental types as a description.

The air-type curious, intellectual people can sometimes be insensitive. They can say, “That insensitivity that I have is not necessary right now. This person is just looking for me to be present and listen. I don’t have to be emotional. I don’t have to cry. But I don’t have to run because they’re being emotional.”

This elevation of our own consciousness is, not only the path of our humankind, but it is achieved in relationships in such a beautiful, dynamic way.

If we understood that, it would be much easier for us to have them.

Self-Discovery Deepens Love

People are always asking me why relationships don’t last, why they keep attracting patterns or why they’re so alone. I always come back to telling them that the reason is, you must find something deeper in the love. You must love more deeply.

It’s lovely to be attracted to a beautiful woman. It’s lovely to be attracted to a handsome man. What more are they doing for you than that?


Tell Us:

While in a relationship have you experienced self-discovery? Share those anecdotes with us below in the comments.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Craig Martin.

The entire interview transcript is at: Dr. Craig Martin Interview – Find Compatibility and Create a Lasting Relationship

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Elemental Love Styles

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes