Sadie Hawkins Relationship
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Rachel Greenwald, author of, Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys about What Makes Them Fall in Love or Never Call Back: The great news about that, in terms of grooming and clothes, that stuff is easily fixable.
Like you said, if someone does a reality check or tells it like it is, it’s something that can be resolved pretty easily. I would say that’s good news on that one.
Let’s turn the tables one more time, Rachel. I know that you interviewed 1,000 men for the book.
You also share in your book the top five reasons that the guys did not call the woman back despite a great first date. Despite having a great first date, they didn’t hear back from the guy.
You give five reasons. Why don’t we go through two of them? These are two of the top five reasons that great first dates do not lead to second dates. I’ll read the reasons aloud for the benefit of our listeners.
After I read each one, I would love for you to explain. The number one reason that the guy didn’t call back despite a great first date, you characterize as the “Sadie Hawkins.” Tell us about that, Rachel.
Sadie Hawkins Relationship: Girl Asks Boy
I don’t know if anyone remembers the term “Sadie Hawkins” from their high school days.
It’s a common term that means that the girls pursue the boys. The girl might ask the boy to the Sadie Hawkins dance. It was a very old-fashioned reason.
The guy said, “The date went really well. After the date, there were some things that deflated me.”
Sadie Hawkins Relationship: Ladies Don’t Over Pursue
A guy talked about how if a woman pursued him in any way after a good date, even subtle ways, that he started to lose interest.
Some of those subtle ways were if the woman texted or emailed him right after the date, sometime in the next 24 to 48 hours.
She followed up after she had already thanked him that night. If he had paid for dinner, she thanked him profusely. She said what a good time she had. Then, yet again, she followed up afterwards by texting or emailing.
He started to feel like she was pursuing him. She became this Sadie Hawkins.
Sadie Hawkins Relationship: He Likes the Chase
A lot of guys clearly said that they appreciated that thank you email or text. For many of them, it was not that they were complaining about it or thought negatively of it in and of itself.
Then they started to realize that it became a symbol that she was definitely interested in him and wanted to go out with him again.
As soon as he felt that, he started to lose his momentum.
It took some probing on my part. Guys weren’t immediately aware that this was happening.
As I started to find out why they had this initial interest and lost it, it became clear that men like the hunt and the chase.
Sadie Hawkins Relationship: Let Him Make the Next Move
If they had a good date with someone, they wanted to be the one to make the next move and feel like they can win her.
These very subtle things, like the thank you email or text, where making them rethink their decision.
Sadie Hawkins Relationship: Woman’s Perspective
A woman’s perspective is that she’s been told it’s polite to send a follow-up thank you and that it’s expected.
To be candid, this was not a unanimous category. There are men out there who deliberately look for the thank you email before they have the confidence to ask her out again.
The majority said that it was something that deflated them and made them rethink their decision to ask her out again.
Sadie Hawkins Relationship: It’s Just Thank You
I get that all the time. Women say, “Isn’t it the polite thing to do, to send that email or text?” You mentioned that being gracious during the date is important.
When the guy does pick up the tab, being gracious at that time is great. It sounds like, for many guys, that’s sufficient.
Sadie Hawkins Relationship: Ladies, Appreciation IS Good
Yes. They want to feel like you appreciate their gesture. It’s not just about paying the bill when you have to express appreciation.
A very big component of my research was about why men do call certain women back. What we’ve been talking about today is a lot of why they don’t call back. There is a very big component about why they do.
This category of appreciation was huge. A man felt like he didn’t want to just be thanked for paying. He also wanted to be acknowledged for doing something thoughtful.
Sadie Hawkins Relationship: Happy Medium
For example, if the man suggests a restaurant in the woman’s neighborhood and doesn’t expect the woman to go out of her way, that’s very thoughtful.
Let’s say that he travels 15 or 30 minutes out of his way or his neighborhood to go to the woman’s neighborhood. That gesture is thoughtful. It doesn’t involve exchanging money.
For her to say something like, “I really appreciate that you came over to this part of town,” goes a long way. Look for opportunities to thank him for things other than when it involves an exchange of money.
Men, have you felt like you have been in a Sadie Hawkins relationship? Share your stories with us in the comments section below.
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Rachel Greenwald
The entire interview transcript is at: Rachel Greenwald Interview: Have Him At Hello!
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes