Evolutionary Relationship: What Is It?

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Susan Winter – Author of the book ‘Allowing Magnificence: Living the Expanded Version of Your Life’: You call yourself an evolutionary relationship expert. Tell our listeners what you mean by that. What does that term mean to you?


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Susan Winter

What I mean by that is that I’m not going to give you traditional advice on what you should do according to what you’ve heard in the past.

I’ll be giving you advice according to what you personally tell me is your desire. I don’t have to agree with what you want.

I have clients who want what I call romantic designs that I personally don’t want. I am not sitting in judgment about it.

You have to know what you want to create.

Evolutionary Relationship Expert

As part of being an evolutionary relationship expert, I would say that I got my introduction by being with a much younger man. There was no manual for me.

When I was there, it was all trial and error. All of society was against me. My family was against me. My friends didn’t know what to do with me.

Some people understood me. Other people kind of put up with it and watched with baited breath.


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I was completely out in unchartered territory trying to create a meaningful, valid dynamic here. I realized that I had stepped outside of the boundaries of what we call normal relationships.

I took a breath. I looked around and thought:

  • Wait, I’m not the only one?
  • There are a lot of people that are doing things that are a little bit different.

This is the crafting of what’s right for us.

It’s kind of like the person who sees the menu. They want the chicken but they don’t want the chicken with the sauce. You are kind of going a la carte.

You’re creating your own thing. I want monogamy but I don’t want it to be boring.

How can I craft into the foundation of this an ongoing growth as the foundation for what we’re doing?

Obviously, that’s what is tearing apart so many of these couples that are together.

When people come in with an enlightened vision as to what they want to do, that’s what I call an evolutionary relationship.

Most of the books and websites will come off a traditional mold. Men do this. Women do this. Gay couples do this. They are the rules.

You have to open up to what the person is trying to create and go with that dynamic and infuse the best morals and ethics with whatever direction they’re going in.

I think all relationships are in the context of being evolutionary right now in our time period.

I think more people are discovering that the set traditional format may not work for them and may not even work today in the world the way it was originally created 50 years ago or 100 years ago.

Some people still want that. We’re growing. We have so much input and so many changes.

We can’t ignore that and say, “Go away. You’re disrupting my version of what I want to do here.”

You really have to allow for the influx of life and still amend your relationship prototype to reflect what you really want to create.

That’s the evolutionary element. We are designing the kind of relationship that we want.


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Evolutionary Relationship for Millennials

Millennials are doing it from scratch. They have no rules out there. They don’t know what’s going on.

Everyone is sleeping with everyone. You’re sleeping with a guy who is sleeping with five other people.

The code amongst the Millennials is, for three months, the girls are not supposed to say a thing.

They’re supposed to zip their mouth and suck it up. That’s where I’m starting to protest.

I’m sorry. You’re giving the guy your body. I think you have a right to express how you feel or at least say what you want.


What Do You Think:

Is there an understanding of an evolutionary relationship or are people still stuck on the traditional meaning and rules of love? Share your thoughts in the comments below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Susan Winters.

The entire interview transcript is at: Susan Winters Interview – Allowing Magnificence: Living the Expanded Version of Your Life

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Allowing Magnificence: Living the Expanded Version of Your Life – Susan Winters

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes