Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Craig Martin, author of Elemental Love Styles: Part three of your book allows readers to compare their own elemental styles to those of their partners. It further allows readers to identify the greatest strengths and challenges of each particular elemental pairing.
Can you share some of the examples of the strengths and challenges for different elemental pairings?
Dr. Craig Martin
I like part three because I think that’s part of the fun of the book.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Learn About Your Partner
People find out, “I’m a fire type.” Then they find out that their lover is a water type, or any of the other combinations.
Part three is the part where you really learn about each other as a couple and what you’re bringing to the table.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Fire & Fire
It says, for instance, that a fire-style person who is very enthusiastic, bold and take-charge with a big personality might get along really well with another fire person, as long as they both had a place to shine in the relationship.
It could become competitive between them. Fire people who get together really need to take a look at that.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Fire & Water
Conversely, you might think that a fire and a water-style person might not work out really well.
Fire makes water boil and water puts fire out. You would think, “That might not be such a good combination.” In fact, it’s one of the harder combinations.
People who have very big personalities and people who are very emotional have a tendency to have certain differences in the way that they approach the world.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Differences Create a Buffer
One of the good things between people who have differing personalities is that they can buffer each other somehow.
The fiery person could lift up a water person who might have a tendency sometimes to be a little dark and gloomy.
People who are very emotional can sometimes become immersed in their emotions. Fire could sometimes say, “Cheer up. Let’s do this.” That’s really good for a water person.
On the other side, water can add an emotional content to a fire person who might be burning their way through life. Maybe they are leaving havoc in their wake.
A water person might be able to say to them, “Look at the emotional impact of what it is that you’ve done.”
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Working Together
There is a way in which even differing elements can work on each other and smooth out personality differences or places in our personalities that need work, not necessarily always from an equal perspective, but coming from a different place.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: No Perfect Pair!
There is no best pairing, per se. All have their strengths. All have their challenges. There is no pairing that is a non-starter from the beginning.
Dr. Craig Martin
That’s correct. I think some are a little bit easier. It’s certainly one of the biggest questions that people ask me.
People ask me that as an astrologer as well. They will say, “I’m a Leo. Which is the best for me to be with?” There is really no cut and dry answer.
You might say, “Leos don’t really get along with Scorpios,” but I know Leo/Scorpio marriages that have lasted for 25 years.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: More Than You Think
You can’t really give that kind of very simplistic answer to someone. It’s very dependent on something that’s more complicated than that, which is, what do you really bring to the table?
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Water Personality
When we look more deeply at the elements, we see that if you’re a water type, you need emotional validation. You need emotional reassurance. You need someone to understand you emotionally.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Fire Personality
Let’s say that I’m a fire type.
- I really like your watery nature.
- I really like the fact that you’re a good listener.
- You’re very imaginative.
- You’re very caring.
- I can lean my head on your shoulder if I need to.
- You really know how to do domestic things well, like if there’s going to be a dinner party.
You’re very good at all of that. But I really can’t validate your emotions for you.
When you get really emotional on me, I’m out of there. That’s really not going to work out so well.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Compatibility
I talk about compatibility in the book. The book’s subtitle is Find Compatibility and Create a Lasting Relationship.
Compatibility has to do with not only what it is that I need from you, but what it is that I’m capable of offering you. Some fire types might be able to offer emotional understanding. They might be able to do that. It might be a part of their personality.
Some fire types might be able to offer dependability and reliability. They would be good with someone who is earthy.
Finding the right match is still always about creating the right blend.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Creating Understanding
When we look at Elemental Love Styles and the ideas that are in there, we leave with an understanding of, “Wow, this is what I really need. In my past relationships, it’s been so obvious that I can’t give such-and-such a person this. Previous relationships have always complained that I’m not capable of doing this for them.” Then stop looking for that kind of relationship.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Start with Self-Understanding
It’s always about owning who we are. You said in the very beginning that I talk about self-understanding in the book.
Good relationships begin with self-understanding. That was a very nice way of you introducing this topic. That’s ultimately what I wanted to write about for people.
Relationships themselves are going to create self-understanding.
When you’re in one with someone, they’re going to point out to you what you’re like and what’s going on in your personality.
It’s really amazing to go into a relationship knowing and understanding some of the things you’re going to be bringing to the table.
I tell people, “Go internal before going external.” What I mean by that is, raise your clarity and your own self-awareness as much as possible when you’re out there looking for someone.
You want to understand that, once you’re in that intimate relationship, that dynamic itself is going to lead to self-growth and a greater sense of self-awareness that, as an individual single person is hard to attain.
Dr. Craig Martin
That’s right. That’s what I think people know internally. That’s why relationships are so frightening.
Perfect Elemental Love Style Pairing: Reveal Your Flaws
We get in there. We start dating people. Then we think, “Oh my God. When this person finds out that I’m like this, they’re going to reject me.”
The point is that, somewhere along the line, they’re going to find out about who you are.
Finding someone that you feel comfortable revealing who you are with and that you feel comfortable being yourself with is the ideal person to be with.
That’s the person who is going to accept you.
The perfect elemental love style pairing does not exist, but what successful pairings are you involved in? Drop us a line in the comments section below.
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Craig Martin.
The entire interview transcript is at: Dr. Craig Martin Interview – Find Compatibility and Create a Lasting Relationship
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes