Men Are Secure in Relationships
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Amir Levine, author of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find- and Keep- Love: In your book, you address those single readers who identify with the anxious attachment style. They’re reading your book and thinking, “I think I fall in this category at this time.”
What is your secret to finding a good relationship when you know that you have anxious tendencies?
Dr. Amir Levine
Men Are Secure Despite Literature
There is one other thing that I forgot to mention. There is a lot of literature that mistakenly tends to equate masculinity with avoidance.
People think that all men are closed up. They’re not very emotional. They have a hard time talking about their feelings. They need to go into their man cave.
The truth is, this is really a description of someone who is avoidant.
Most Men Are Secure
The majority of men are secure. They are very comfortable talking about their feelings. They’re good at talking about emotions and communicating their needs and feelings.
There is a misconception in our society. Women equate that to say that they’re not masculine enough.
Real masculine men don’t talk about their feelings. That’s just not true.
We tell women that you’ve been given the wrong advice and information.
Men Are Secure Not Avoidant
People become attracted to that. They think, “This is very masculine.” It’s not. It’s just avoidance. Once people understand what avoidant attachment style is all about, especially if you’re anxious, it becomes less alluring.
It loses some of its mystique. It becomes boring. If you were out with someone, you had a good time and, all of a sudden, they don’t call you for two weeks, you think, “This is not good for me. It’s not what I need. I need someone who feels comfortable with intimacy and closeness. I need someone who cares about how I feel.”
Men Are Secure, Are You?
What kind of a message does it send you when you go out with someone, have an amazing date and then they don’t call you for several days?
The message that he’s sending is, “You have to take care of your own feelings. However you feel is none of my business. That’s your business.”
On the other hand, someone who calls you the next day and tells you they had a good time, it shows that they have an interest in how you feel and your emotional world.
Since committing to a relationship, have you noticed that men are secure? Share your experiences with us below in the comments section.
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Amir Levine
The entire interview transcript is at: Amir Levine Interview – Insights on Dating From A Psychiatrist And Neuroscientist
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Insights From A Psychiatrist – Dr. Amir Levine Discussion – Author ‘Attached’
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes