Judgmental Dating Habits
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Nancy Slotnick, author of Turn Your Cablight On: Get Your Dream Man in Six Months or Less: Exactly. This is why your examples are really helpful. I’m sure that very few people walk around saying, “Yes, I think I’m controlling.” Then you can see how there might be misperception along those lines based on some actions or behaviors.
The third category is judgmental.
Again, I don’t think that a lot of people walk around thinking they’re judgmental.
Give us examples where one might listen and think, “I may have done that. I need to rethink that.”
Judgmental Dating Habits: His Job
An example would be if he was telling a story about his job.
You didn’t think that he was successful enough. It could be about politics.
Judgmental Dating Habits: His Language
Maybe he swears and you give him a funny look for using that kind of language.
There is a way that I recommend doing the opposite of what I call “being the cool chick.”
Judgmental Dating Habits: Show You’re Not!
Let’s say that you do something like that to show that you’re not judgmental. Maybe you swear when you wouldn’t normally do that.
If you’re ordering a beer, you drink beer out of a bottle instead of in a glass. This is to show that you’re not judging too much.
Judgmental Dating Habits: Let Him Be Himself
Let’s say that the guy burps and you give him a hard time about it. You have to let him be himself and try not to come across too judgmental.
It’s so that he feels comfortable. At the end of the day, everyone wants to feel comfortable.
It’s more fun with someone when you’re comfortable and not feeling judged. You don’t want to feel like everything you’re going to say is subject to the judge and jury.
You said, “Acting like the cool chick.” Tell us about that.
Judgmental Dating Habits: Just Go With the Flow
On a first date or the initial stages of meeting someone, you want to put your best foot forward and let him know that you can go with the flow of things.
There are certain topics that you probably want to avoid to that end, like talking about past relationships.
Judgmental Dating Habits: Laugh at Jokes
You want to try to be what he would want from you while still being yourself. Laugh at his jokes.
If he tells you something about his job, make sure to compliment him on something that sounds impressive.
You might be thinking these things but feel a little too vulnerable to say it.
I recommend being a cool chick that way. You do what you would do if you were really feeling confident and you really wanted to impress him.
It may sound like kissing up too much. Really, you’re going to get more back from a guy when he feels like you appreciate him than if you’re trying to train him into being what you want him to be.
Judgmental Dating Habits: Compliment and Appreciate Him
I love that. Appreciation is huge. It’s huge initially as well as throughout the relationship.
In my practice, it comes up a lot. Everyone wants to feel appreciated, especially in their intimate relationships.
Exactly. Oftentimes, the guy pays on a date. At least on the first date, you hope that he does. You don’t want to assume.
If he does pay, you want to go out of your way to say “thank you” and not use the obligatory, “Thank you so much for the date.”
At the moment that he’s paying, you want to thank him. Maybe you’re a little uncomfortable and you’re trying to avoid the whole thing because maybe you want him to pay.
You want to bring it up and say, “I really appreciate it. This is such a great place,” if he chose the place.
Do you have some judgmental dating habits? How will you counteract your initial behaviors? Share with us in the comments section below.
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Nancy Slotnick
The entire interview transcript is at: Nancy Slotnick Interview – Get Your Dream Man in Six Months or Less
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes