Dating Three Wishes

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Ty Tashiro, author of The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love: In your book, you say, “Singles only get three wishes when choosing a romantic partner.” I have to say that I love this.

I ask about the three essentials when it comes to our clients. I do limit those essentials to three. Tell everyone why they would be well served to be very thoughtful about those three and why they should limit it.


Ty Tashiro

I want to say that I wish people got a lot more than three wishes. I’m not trying to be a downer by saying that there are only three.

People can find more of what they’re looking for, and the things that are most important to them, if they go with this mindset.

Dating Three Wishes: Tall Guy

Let me give you an example. Let’s say there is a bachelorette. She has 100 eligible bachelors to choose from. She gets three wishes.

Let’s say that she wants someone who is tall, which is not an uncommon wish for heterosexual women. Let’s say that it’s six foot or taller.

That would mean that 80 of those men would walk out of the room. Only 20% of men in the United States are six foot or taller.

Dating Three Wishes: Disqualifiers

When I see this on shows like The Bachelorette or The Bachelor, I see people with potentially good traits walking out of the room. They’re disqualified by this characteristic that maybe doesn’t matter as much. Now she’s down to 20 people.


Jasbina Ahluwalia

I just want to emphasize this. It is very profound. We are starting at the outset. You want a height of six feet and you’ve already cleared the room of 80 people.


Ty Tashiro

That’s right. When people go to a matchmaker or online dating, sometimes they will specify these things thinking that they’re preferences.

In fact, they’re disqualifiers. Some of those people who walked out that were under six foot were kind and generous.

Dating Three Wishes: Political Beliefs

Let’s say that she also wants someone who matches her political beliefs. That’s something else that wouldn’t be uncommon.

If it’s republican or democrat, you’re only looking at about 32% to 35% of the population. This means that another 16 or 17 of the remaining 20 men would walk out of the room.

Just after two wishes, she’s gone from 100 eligible bachelors down to about 3 or 4 possibilities.

You can easily imagine how, with just one more wish, there would be only one person left or no one left in the room.

I’ve done this many times with different characteristics in classes and with audiences.

Dating Three Wishes: Two Bachelors

It’s always been the case that, after three wishes, we go from rooms of 100 or 200 people down to just one or two people remaining.


Tell Us:

Dating three wishes: do you feel you’ve missed out on meeting the one while making your wishes? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Ty Tashiro

The entire interview transcript is at: Ty Tashiro Interview – What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: The Science Of Happily Ever After – Ty Tashiro

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes