Avoidant Attachment Style Cues

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Amir Levine, author of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find- and Keep- Love: For an avoidant, the person that they are with at any point in time, the avoidant will see their flaws. That is where their focus will be so that they can push them away.

That same person, after they broke up with them, will be put up on a pedestal. They only see the positive as a means to hold anyone else back.


Dr. Amir Levine

Avoidant Attachment Style: Uncomfortable with Closeness

I’m not trying to accuse. With people who don’t feel comfortable with too much closeness, it’s very threatening to them. It’s too much.

They find ways of minimizing closeness. The more they feel that things are threatening to them, the more they will find different ways.


Avoidant Attachment Style: Suffocated by Closeness

All of a sudden, the way that you eat becomes annoying. They walk in front of you. Walking side-by-side is a huge opportunity for closeness.

They just don’t feel comfortable with too much closeness. They feel that they’re suffocating.


Avoidant Attachment Style Needs Secure Partner

It’s good for someone like that to be with someone who is secure. The secures are so good that they know how to give them their distance. They don’t take it personally.

They say, “Okay, they need their distance.” When you’re anxious and sensitive, you’re always afraid that you will not be loved back.

You are so sensitive to every threat. It’s hard for you to take that. Even if you try to sit very quietly and pretend not to care, you do care. They know that you care.


Avoidant Attachment Style Example

For example, you have a dog who wants you to give him something to eat. He wants you to pet him. Even though they’re sitting in the corner, you know that they want you to pet them. This is what happens with the anxious and the avoidant. There is a mismatch in their needs. They tend to exacerbate each other’s bad tendencies.


Tell Us:

Do you see avoidant attachment style cues in your partner? How do you compliment their needs? Drop us a line in the comments section below.


The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Amir Levine

The entire interview transcript is at: Amir Levine Interview – Insights on Dating From A Psychiatrist And Neuroscientist

Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show

Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Insights From A Psychiatrist – Dr. Amir Levine Discussion – Author ‘Attached’

Listen to the entire interview on iTunes