Second Date: Deal Breakers from Date One
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Lori Gottlieb – Author of the book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough: Given your extensive research, did anything you learned catch you by surprise? There may be many things. I’m curious about what, if anything, caught you by surprise.
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I think so many things did. I didn’t think that I was picky before all of this started.
When you read the book, you say, “What’s wrong with this woman? How could she not have known how picky she was?”
I share a lot of that in the book. I don’t sugar-coat it. The reason I share that is because, when I did these interviews,
I also interviewed hundreds of regular men and women, single and married besides the experts.
Analyzing Partners Before the Second Date
People were very honest with me. I think I was really surprised by how much we analyze potential partners so early on, like on a first date.
There is another survey in the book where men and women were asked, “What would be a deal-breaker for going on a second date?”
This was a survey that was done by a dating coach, Evan Marc Katz, who was helping me during the writing of the book. He sent out this survey.
Men’s Analysis for Second Date
Men named three things that would rule out someone for going on a second date.
- She has to be warm and kind.
- She has to be attractive enough.
- She has to be interesting enough to talk to.
“They were, She has to be warm and kind. She has to be attractive enough.” That doesn’t mean that she has to look like Angelina Jolie. She has to be attractive enough to him.
“She has to be interesting enough to talk to.” Then she gets another date.
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Women’s Analysis for Second Date
Women had 300 things that would rule out a guy for a second date. That was really surprising to me.
As women, we think, “Men are so picky.” In reality, what I found in this book and statistically, was that women are so much pickier. It was amazing.
They were picky about things that didn’t matter at all. They were not picky enough about things that do matter.
There are things like kindness and reliability.
- Do they call when they say they will?
- Are they into me?
That was sort of irrelevant. They would still be obsessed with these guys who didn’t work with them very well.
Do you analyze your partner before even making it to the second date? Drop a comment below telling us what criteria you look for to make it to a second date.
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The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Lori Gottlieb.
The entire interview transcript is at: Lori Gottlieb Interview – Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough – Lori Gottlieb
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes