Embrace Dating: It’s an Adventure
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Dr. Jan Yager – Author of the book 125 Ways to Meet the Love of Your Life: That’s interesting. Speaking of the dating world, it can be a bit of a jungle.
I often run across singles who have become frustrated and sometimes even a bit disgruntled with the whole dating process.
Mindset to Embrace Dating
I always encourage singles to try to adopt the mindset where they embrace dating and see it as an adventure. They can approach every date as a unique opportunity.
The following quote from one of your books resonated with me.
You wrote, “Of course, there is some luck and chance involved but there’s a positive mental attitude and that’s not luck.” You were speaking of yourself. “I learned to view everyone I met as valuable, special adventurers, looking for the good in everyone I met.”
Dr. Yager, I agree that mindset is so crucial in the dating process. I would love to hear you expand on this idea perhaps by sharing examples from your professional or personal experience in terms of this positive mental attitude and embracing this kind of mindset.
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Dr. Jan Yager
Initiative to Embrace Dating
I see people reaching out in all age groups. People are taking more initiative.
I’m working with a woman now who is a lawyer. She’s 35 and she’s terrific. She is of Asian descent. One of the great epiphanies in working with her was for me to help her realize that finding someone has to be a priority because she does want to have children. The biological clock is ticking.
Embrace Dating for Yourself
The second thing that she found amazing in working with me was when I said to her, “Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe your family and friends have something invested in you staying single?”
I asked, “Are people setting you up on dates? Are people encouraging you to find someone?” No one was.
She realized, “When my girlfriends who have children can’t find a babysitter, I’m always available.”
The other part of it is that the only person who really cares about her finding someone is her.
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Embrace Dating, Don’t Wait for Encouragement
A bell goes off in people’s heads. People will make getting a college degree a goal. They will make a career achievement a goal. When it comes to these relationship goals, many people tend to be very timid about it. They’ll say, “I will leave it to chance.”
I was talking with a producer for a major talk show a few years ago. She was also at that point. She was 35 and wanted to have a family. I said, “Are you dating anyone?” She said, “No.” I said, “Is this something that you’d like to have happen?”
Embrace Dating, It Isn’t Luck
She said, “Well, if it happens, it happens. I’m not going to make it something unnatural.”
I said, “Did you become a producer at this major talk show by luck or did you have a plan?” She said, “Wow, you’re right. I didn’t just fall into my career.”
I think that’s an important, self-affirming statement. It’s a little tricky because if you’re too brazen about it, people can misinterpret your wanting to find someone a priority as desperation.
It’s very off-putting.
Dr. Jan Yager
Right. This is in my book on friendship, When Friendship Hurts, and in 125 Ways to Meet the Love of Your Life.
I state a truism about relationships. Who do you want to be friends with? The person who is popular or the person who doesn’t have any friends?
It’s similar with dating. You have to be very careful.
Yes, you’re open to dating. Yes, you’re enjoying it but you don’t want to communicate, “I haven’t had a date in six years and I’ll go out with anyone who calls me up.” That will backfire.
The person who does call you isn’t going to feel, “Wow, aren’t I lucky to go out with this person?”
Had any of you ever decided to embrace dating and find your soul mate? Share your stories in the comments section below.
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The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Jan Yager.
The entire interview transcript is at: Dr. Jan Yager Interview – 125 Ways to Meet the Love of Your Life
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: 125 Wats to Meet the Love of Your Life – Dr. Jan Yager
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes