Attachment Style of Your Partner
Jasbina Ahluwalia Dr. Amir Levine, author of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find- and Keep- Love: You mentioned that, when you’re out there dating, it’s very helpful to know your own attachment style and self-identify with one of them. Similarly, the ability to decipher the attachment style of your prospective partner would be important.
Your book discusses what you term five golden rules for deciphering the attachment style of your partner. I’m hoping you can share some of those with my listeners.
Dr. Amir Levine
Attachment Style of Your Partner, The Science
When I saw this data, it was all found in scientific articles. It is all very useful information for people in their everyday lives but it was buried in statistics and science lingo. I thought, “If only I’d had this when I started dating.”
I realized I had to write this book. It’s so helpful for people who are dating. It really changes the game.
Attachment Style of Your Partner, Think Long-Term
When most people go out on a date, they think, “Does this person like me? I want them to like me. What’s going to happen?” They don’t think about years down the road.
They think, “Are they going to like me?” This is really important.
If you become so dependent on your significant other, it’s not just psychological dependence. There is some research that shows that it’s also very much physiological dependence.
Our partners start to control things that we have no control over. They control our blood pressure and heart rate. If you’re in a good relationship, even our physical health is better.
There is one research study that shows that, if we get a cut and we’re in a good relationship, it will heal faster than if we were in a bad relationship.
Know the Attachment Style of Your Partner For a Better Life
It’s really crucial to choose right. It will make a huge difference in your life. It’s one of the most important things to choose.
Know the Signs to Identify the Attachment Style of Your Partner
When you go on a date, people will usually tell you what attachment style they are right from the get-go. The only problem is that a lot of people don’t listen.
You listen to what you want to hear and ignore other signs. That’s a mistake. People will tell you, “I don’t feel comfortable being too close. I need my distance.”
You should listen to them.
If what’s important for you is to be close and intimate, then you should really pay attention to the signs and signals.
It’s not just the things they say, but also the things they don’t say. It’s not just the things they do, but also the things they don’t do. A lot of people miss that.
People who have anxious attachment styles feel that they need to play games in the beginning of a relationship. Maybe they will play hard to get. That’s a very big mistake.
Authentic Self and Attachment Style of Your Partner
In the beginning of this conversation, you mentioned being your authentic self. I’m glad you mentioned that. That is so crucial to the process of dating. We find that’s one of the major keys for successful dating. It is to be your authentic self.
After reading these tips and tricks, have you been able to identify the attachment style of your partner? Share the different clues you spotted in the comments section below.
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Dr. Amir Levine
The entire interview transcript is at: Amir Levine Interview – Insights on Dating From A Psychiatrist And Neuroscientist
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Insights From A Psychiatrist – Dr. Amir Levine Discussion – Author ‘Attached’
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes