Women Seeking Therapy: 3 Kinds
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Carol Allen: As a relationship expert and Vedic astrologer, what are the one or two of the most frequently asked questions you get from women who seek your services?
It’s awful to say, but in my experience, there are only nine people in the world. There are not even twelve. There is not even one for each sign. There are nine people. I have the same nine conversations.
Really, I have the same three conversations. As a matchmaker, I’m sure you see the same thing.
Women Seeking Therapy: Where Is He?
The number one thing I get asked is, “When will my prince come? Where is he?”
The number one client who walks through my door or calls me is single and they don’t understand why.
They’re either losing hope because it’s getting later than they thought or they can’t believe it.
Women Seeking Therapy: Change Him
The number two question I get asked is, “How can I turn this frog into my prince?”
They’re in a relationship that isn’t going well. They’re trying to change that.
They’re hoping that some celestial force is going to strike and transform the relationship, and really transform the man.
Women Seeking Therapy: Why Isn’t It Working?
A lot of what I do is tell women who seek my services why their relationship isn’t working.
Is it a compatibility issue? Do they bring out in each other things that are unsatisfactory or unseemly?
Women Seeking Therapy: 2 Kinds of Relationships
Jasbina, do you know how you can have a relationship with one person and find that you feel calm, safe and peaceful?
- You laugh at the same things. They understand you.
- Then you can have another relationship with another person where you’re anxious, needy and jealous. You have to explain yourself all day long.
You are the same person.
Why were you a freak with one guy and the best version of yourself with the other guy?
Women Seeking Therapy: Dynamic
Often times, it’s the energetic dynamic between you that brings certain parts of you more forward or him more forward.
Women will call me and say, “Carol, it’s all my fault. The relationship isn’t going well because I’m too needy.” I will say, “What’s going on?”
They will tell me a story. I’ll say, “Sweetheart, you’re needy in this relationship because your needs aren’t being met.”
Women Seeking Therapy: Self-Healing
When our needs aren’t being met, we get needy. Sometimes, it can be a pattern where the woman has some insecurity that she needs to heal within herself.
A lot of the time, it’s the dynamic with the man that brings that out. I have that conversation.
Women Seeking Therapy: Relationship Capacity
I mentioned something that most people haven’t heard of, which is something called “relationship capacity.”
I’ll see that the woman or man has an issue within themselves separate from the relationship that makes it difficult for any relationship to go well, no matter how compatible their partner.
Maybe the woman has very masculine traits that make her too independent and bossy with men. Any man is going to run screaming for the exit with her.
Maybe the man is too insensitive or selfish.
- Any woman is going to feel unloved by that man.
- Any woman is going to feel like that man isn’t really there for her.
- Any woman will become a needy mess or run screaming from him.
That’s the next thing I explain to my clients.
Women Seeking Therapy: Find Weak Link
What’s the weak link in you that you need to work on? What can you do about it?
You can always do something about this stuff. It’s never written in stone. What’s the limitation of this guy?
If it’s a man, what’s the limitation of this woman? Does she have a temper? Does he have depression?
We all think, “If he really loved me, he’d be different,” “If he really loved me, he’d be more motivated,” “If he really loved me, he’d be more sensitive to my feelings.”
Maybe he’s like that with everyone.
I love that. Women could be turning princes into frogs by something internal or it could just be the dynamic. Those are two very different things.
It’s so confusing. You might have a lot of great stuff with that same guy or girl who makes you a needy, angry mess.
That same person with limitations that may get in the way of them being a full partner may have absolutely adorable qualities.
They may be funny. They may be smart. They may be charming. They may be totally empathetic. But they’re still depressed, selfish, addictive, unavailable, workaholic or always traveling.
Women Seeking Therapy: Take Time
This is where it takes time to figure this stuff out. It’s where astrology can be such a help.
It can cut to the chase. That thing that on your own would have taken you nine months to figure out with that guy, you can find out in five minutes with astrology.
Women seeking therapy, let us know why you’re accepting help! Share with us in the comments section below.
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Carol Allen.
The entire interview transcript is at: Carol Allen Interview – What Men Want
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Insights from a Vedic Astrologer & Relationship Coach
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes