Doubting Happiness In a Relationship
Jasbina Ahluwalia discusses with Abby Rodman, author of Should You Marry Him? A No-Nonsense, Therapist-Tested Guide to Not Screwing Up the Biggest Decision of Your Life how people can sense true happiness in love relationships:
You have to objectively analyze. You have to step back. You mentioned before that well-worn pair of slippers. It may not actually be serving you even if it seems comfortable at the time.
I get this question, as matchmakers do. Someone gets into a relationship. The question comes up, “Is this it? Is this the person for me?”
I love the ultimate question that you recommend your readers ask themselves when they’re wondering that. I will quote that question:
“Am I happy in this relationship and with this person most of the time?” That question kind of speaks for itself.
Is there anything that you would like to share with our listeners with respect to that?
Doubting Happiness In a Relationship: Defining Happiness
“Happy” was the most encompassing word that I came up with.
I think I define happiness as being a peaceful feeling that you have around the relationship.
So many times, I’ve heard clients talk about the beginnings of their relationships and how really unhappy and un-peaceful they were.
- They were chaotic.
- There was a lot of fighting.
- There were a lot of tears and unhappiness, yet they still pushed through with the marriage and the wedding.
Doubting Happiness In a Relationship: Questioning It
This was instead of taking a deep breath and saying:
- Am I happy here?
- Is this what I want my relationship to feel like?
I think so few women sit with that question. In fact, I recommend asking yourself that question more times than you can stand. This is not when things are great or when you’ve had a huge fight.
It should just be in your day-to-day experience with this person:
- Are you happy?
- Do you feel satisfied?
- Do you feel peaceful?
If the answer is “Yes” over and over again, then you’re on the right track.
If you’re honest with yourself and the answer is, “Not so much,” then you really have to think about what you’re doing and what you’re entering into.
Jasbina Ahluwalia: There is a follow-up question to that, which would be helpful to our listeners. You’re thinking, “Am I happy in this relationship?” If it seems abstract, you suggest that readers ask a follow-up question. Do you like the person you are in the relationship?
I think that will speak to a lot of people. At the end of the day, as we live our lives, people want to like who they are. That’s how we’re aligned and fulfilled. The relationship that you’re in is such a big part of living your life.
Do you like the person you are in the relationship? I found that question to be extremely compelling and impactful in terms of sitting with yourself.
I really appreciate you sharing your insights with us, Abby. They’ve been very interesting. Once again, I want to share with everyone the name of Abby’s book. It is, Should You Marry Him? A No-Nonsense, Therapist-Tested Guide to Not Screwing Up the Biggest Decision of Your Life.
Do you have any last thoughts or messages that you’d like to share with our listeners, Abby?
Doubting Happiness In a Relationship: Getting the answers
First, I want to thank you very much for having me on. It was a lot of fun. These questions are intended to make people think. They are questions that many of us are not asked. Sometimes, they’re questions we’d rather not answer because we don’t want to know the answers.
It is absolutely imperative that you ask yourself these questions so that you know that you’re headed down the right track.
- You’re satisfied with your answers.
- You have a peaceful feeling about this relationship.
- You know with your whole heart that you’re doing the right thing.
Always trust your gut. Your gut will tell you. If you listen, your gut will tell you.
Everybody looks for happiness in a relationship, but sometimes we question ourselves if we truly are. How do you know if you are happy overall? Give us your feedback in the comments section below.
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Abby Rodman.
The entire interview transcript is at: Abby Rodman Interview – Should I Marry Him: A Guide Not to Screw Up
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes