Lower Online Dating Expectations

Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Nancy Slotnick, author of Turn Your Cablight On: Get Your Dream Man in Six Months or Less: In your book, you mention what you call the “one in ten rule.” Tell our listeners about that.

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Nancy Slotnick

Lower Online Dating Expectations: One out of Ten

Let’s say that you’re doing online dating. You email ten different people. Probably only one of them is going to turn into a date.

The reason why it’s important to know that is because, if you only email a couple of people and you don’t hear back from anyone, you don’t want to get really discouraged.

Lower Online Dating Expectations: It’s Not You

Even if you’re the most attractive, best catch in the world, you’re still not going to hit it off with everyone.

I recommend sending out ten emails and then forgetting about the whole thing.

Lower Online Dating Expectations: Keep Hopes Realistic

If one of them turns into a date, that’s great.

Then, when you’re on the date, there is another one in ten rule.

Only about one out of ten first dates will turn into a second date.

It’s a much lower level of a chance that you’re going to hit it off with someone than people would like to believe. It’s maybe only a one in one hundred chance.

If you factor that in then you’re not disappointed. You keep your expectations realistic.

You’re not thinking that every single date that you have is going to turn into the one.

Jasbina Ahluwalia

Lower Online Dating Expectations For Your Sake

It’s a great way to manage your expectations when you go through the process to eliminate feeling demoralized or thinking that there is something wrong with you.

It’s generally applicable. It also justifies the 15 hours that you spend each week, when you look at it that way.

Nancy Slotnick

Exactly. I don’t know if you’ve read The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. You have to generate enough stuff going on.

You asked how I came up with that 15 hours. I was in commission sales before I got into the dating business. It kind of works the same way.

Lower Online Dating Expectations: Dating is Unpredictable

You never know exactly which deal is going to pan out. You need to have a lot of balls in the hopper. Then, something will work.

Jasbina Ahluwalia

It gives you a level of confidence in terms of having those other balls in the hopper.

Nancy Slotnick

Lower Online Dating Expectations: Learn From Every Date

That’s true. If one date doesn’t pan out, you won’t think, “Oh no. Back to the drawing board.”

Instead, you realize, “Okay, I have another date set up for next week.”

That’s part of what I recommend besides 15 hours a week on the search. I recommend to try to have a date a week. It goes hand in hand.

Lower Online Dating Expectations and Improve Your Game

If you’re spending 15 hours a week on the search, you’re pretty likely to get a date. If you’re not able to get a date from the 15 hours then you might need to call me for some coaching. There might be some things to work on.

Jasbina Ahluwalia

This is in terms of refining your 15 hours.

Nancy Slotnick