My Boyfriend Is Considering a Major Change : 5 Tips for Keeping It Together

Question:

I love my boyfriend of 4 years but he’s considering career change (he’s 22) and it’s something I don’t agree with.

I don’t think my parents really like that he’s moving away from the medical field and into agriculture. Should I be worried that his decision will tear us apart? I think he wants to go to a university 2 hours away for grad school and I don’t think I could make the move for him. Help please!

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Answer:

Facing a life-changing decision can be nerve-wracking and feeling powerless in the decision might cause you to reconsider your commitment and question your desire to continue on with the relationship.

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However, before you decide to act in one way or another, ask yourself these five questions:

  1. Do you agree with his desire to change careers? Most likely, you will be able to get your parents to come around to the idea, but only if you understand and support the decision wholeheartedly.
  2. Is he really moving? Rather than wondering and worrying, find out by gently asking him to clarify his intentions.
  3. Could you work through a long distance relationship? While long distance may not be ideal, 2 hours isn’t very far to travel for weekend and holiday visits. With social media, video chat, email, texting and cell phones, staying in touch is easy. Your mutual levels of trust and commitment to each other should be key factors in this decision.
  4. What are your real concerns? Be patient, but also be honest about where you stand. Hidden resentment (on either side) will certainly tear you apart over time.
  5. Can you support this? Relationships require compromise. Any relationship worth keeping is worth working for. Consider what you are willing to give up and work through, as well as what you are asking him to give up and work through.

Above all, don’t be pushy and aggressive. Though your concern might make you want answers sooner, rather than later, he may need real time to consider these questions himself.

Most men take time to deeply think through decisions, silently and in their own time. So, allow him plenty of time to think things through; applying pressure will only push him away.

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