Why Weddings Make Women Crazy

[VIDEO] Why Weddings Make Women Crazy… Before They Even Get Engaged

Are you obsessed with your Pinterest wedding board? Have you been planning your nuptials since you were young? Many single women are invested in the idea of a perfect wedding — whether or not they have a groom on board.

YourTango Experts Ellen Whitehurst, Maya Ezratti, Jasbina Ahluwalia and Abby Rodman sat down with YourTango Senior VP of Experts, Melanie Gorman, to discuss Why Weddings Make Women Crazy… Before They Even Get Engaged. Check out the video above to learn if this is harmless fun… or detrimental to an eventual marriage.

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Melanie Gorman

(00:15):  With the popularity of wedding TV shows and sites like Pinterest, there are women out there planning their weddings long before they even have a groom. My question is, what impact does this have on marriage, and are these women invested in the wedding or the marriage? What’s going on here?

 

Ellen Whitehurst

(00:30): I have a skewed perspective on this. I come from a world where you create your own reality. I like the idea of being ready for your wedding, thereby creating the actual event itself. You can do this in any area of your life, not just the weddings.

There are a lot of people on Pinterest who can’t cook and are downloading recipes all over the place. Maybe someday they can scramble an egg. I like the idea of preparing intentionally and using your intent in a conscious way to attract what it is that you want into your life.

When planning a wedding, I’m not talking about Delusional Debbie who is going to sleep in the nightie every night and getting her wedding gown on during the day. I’m talking about someone who really, really wants to find a partner, find their mate, get married and make a family. I think a great way to do that is to use your intention, power yourself and co-create it by creating the event itself.

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Melanie Gorman

(1:36):  But what about Delusional Debbie?

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(1:38):  I love the idea of co-creating. I love the idea of becoming the best version of your authentic self to attract the right person. I’m also coming from a cultural backdrop where there is not a wedding day. There is a wedding week. There are days of wedding.

I feel like where your energy goes is where it flows. Along those lines, I would much rather see people’s energy flowing into it. Start with yourself. Become that person that you want to be to attract the right person.

Then really put your energy towards not only being that person but getting out there and meeting those right people for you. Put the menus aside. Those tastings will be fun when the time comes. For now, let’s focus on really spending time with guys and getting to know them. You’re not interviewing them for this role as sperm donor or to fit into your wedding set on the groom cake.

You want to figure out if the two of you are right for each other and he’s not just fulfilling a role. Sometimes guys come back to me and say, “I felt like I was on an interview. I was being evaluated.” Few women want to be evaluated as “the wife,” “the sperm donor” or “the mother of my kids” exclusively. They want to be accepted as the individual that they are. It’s with that caveat.

 

Ellen Whitehurst

(3:03): I’m talking about how people use vision boards to create a future.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(3:08):  I believe in that, absolutely.

 

Ellen Whitehurst

(3:09): There are different steps to everything. You’ve heard me say before that networking is key. Getting out and about in the real wide world is key.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(3:17):  Yes, you want to put your energy there.

 

Melanie Gorman

(3:21):  I think there is a whole culture of wedding shows that have set up huge expectations.

 

Abby Rodman

(3:28):  We have a preponderance of wedding shows that glamorize the actual day, which is eight hours of your life for most people.

 

Maya Ezratti

(3:35):  That’s instead of the quality of the man that you’ve chosen to spend it with.

 

Abby Rodman

(3:38):  And what the rest of your life is going to look like after that day where you get to dress up like a princess and your bridegroom like a butler. People are running around doing your bidding. It’s nothing like the rest of your life to follow. Where are the reality TV shows about when you go home and start the grind?

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Ellen Whitehurst

(4:04): They’re on Bravo.

 

Melanie Gorman

(4:07):  I don’t watch those.

 

Abby Rodman

(4:11):  I think that there is a glamorization.

 

Melanie Gorman

(4:16):  They also have Bridezillas so it’s not all glamorous.

 

Abby Rodman

(4:20):  Yes, but I think that appeals to some people. It’s that whole thing of, “I’m going to be in charge of this event.”

 

Maya Ezratti

(4:27):  And that’s not even what it’s about, the Bridezilla concept. It’s awful.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(4:31):  Going back to the conversations we were having, I would rather see some of the gazillion hours that go into picking your dress and the menu go into getting to know the roles that you are going to mutually share.

There is money, family and all of these topics that we’re talking about. I’d love to see energy go towards those at that stage more so than picking the dress for the guy you’re going to possibly be with if you get yourself out there and meet him.

 

Melanie Gorman

(5:03):  Weddings- they sound like they’re a lovely thing. It’s one day. Keep it real.

 

Jasbina Ahluwalia

(5:07):  Or multiple days.

 

Melanie Gorman

(5:08):  Yes, or multiple days. But keep it realistic. Keep your fantasies in check. Pinterest is great for a vision board but not a vision board on crack.

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What do you think?

“Why Weddings Make Women Crazy… Before They Even Get Engaged?” Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Other videos by Melanie Gorman are at:  Melanie Gorman YourTango Video Interviews – Dating & Relationships

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