One of the most common deal breakers that should be non-negotiable is communication. As Cija Black, author of ‘Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating,’ points out, communication is critical for the success of any relationship. Without it, flexibility and growth become impossible. Black shares her personal story of how the lack of communication in her first marriage was a deal breaker that led her to prioritize this trait in future relationships. It’s a reminder that some deal breakers, like communication, are essential for a healthy relationship.
Communication is Key: Relationships
Jasbina Ahluwalia asks Cija Black, author of in Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating: I think that’s really helpful. Can you give an example of the framework or a guidepost?
It could be a hypothetical person or from your own personal experiences.
_____
Cija Black
I was married before. I was with my first husband for 10 years.
Communication is Key: Willingness
One of the big things that was missing for me was having someone who was willing to communicate.
I think that goes for a lot of people. I realized it wasn’t just a “nice to have.” It was critical for me because of the way that I communicate.
It was one of those things that I needed to put in the forefront when I started dating again.
There could be other things that weren’t quite as necessary for me. That was one of those absolutes.
That’s one of the basic things that allows you to have flexibility in a relationship and not have a rigid list.
Communication is Key: What Isn’t?
You don’t want to say, “They need to have this type of job. They need to make this much money. They need to have brown eyes.” You have to loosen up on those things.
There are things like communication and the way that you see the world in general that are critical.
Communication is Key: Personal Story
For me, it was that communication part. It was someone who was interested in learning and growing as a person as well as embracing that in me so that they weren’t seeing that as some sort of threat.
If I wanted to grow or change, they see it as part of the flow of the relationship as opposed to a threat to the balance of the relationship.
I looked for those sorts of things that helped to create a flexible relationship. They are things that allow the relationship to grow.
Communication is Key: Important for Growth
It’s going to be a little different for everyone. Hopefully, the “needs” in their life are things that will allow for flexibility and growth.
Everyone has a different path for what they want in a relationship. For relationships to be successful and really last, those are some of the cornerstones that they need to look for.
They don’t want people who are always saying no, don’t want to try new things and aren’t interested in having conversations.
To me, that would be a very closed relationship. Hopefully, they are looking for something to broaden their lives and share that and grow together.
______
Tell Us:
Communication is key for some, is it key for you when looking for a partner? What is key for you? Share with us below in the comments section.
______
The above is an excerpt from Jasbina’s interview with Cija Black
The entire interview transcript is at: Cija Black Interview – Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating
Listen to the entire interview on: Intersections Match Talk Radio – Jasbina’s Lifestyle Show
Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Modern Love: The Grownup’s Guide to Relationships & Online Dating
Listen to the entire interview on iTunes
_____
