ANSWER

by Jasbina Ahluwalia

A Great question, as you are not alone.

I’m sure there are other readers who are

themselves, or know of others, also grap-

pling with similar situations. Since our

matchmaking and dating coaching ser-

vices focuses on South Asians, at times

people are surprised to learn that we do

have clients who have dated in the past,

and/or are open to being matched, with

non-South Asians. As such, your situa-

tion is one I am familiar with.

Jasbina Ahluwalia

is an Indian-American attorney turned entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Matchmaker / Dating Coach. She is

the Founder / President of Intersections Match, the only Elite Personalized Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm in the country serving Selective Sin-

gles of South Asian descent Nationwide in the U.S. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conversa-

tions with published authors/experts on relationships, health & wellness. For

info, please visit

www.IntersectionsMatch.com Feel free to submit a Ques-

tion to be considered for this column to Jasbina directly at

Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.

QUESTION

My boyfriend’s a great guy, and we get

along well, part from his problem

with my not telling my parents about

him since he’s not Indian. How can

I deal with this situation?

Given the limited space, I am not able to explore in any

depth the possibility that your resistance to telling your

parents about your boyfriend may potentially reflect at least

some degree of mixed feelings on your part with respect to

your boyfriend and/or relationship. I will

address your

question with the underlying premise that your assumption

of your parents’ disapproval is the reason you have not told

them about your boyfriend.

In my opinion, one of the greatest detractors from

intimate relationships (between any two people, be they

partners, or parent/adult child), consists of one or both

persons unexpressed expectation (s) and/or assumption (s).

Rather than continuing to act on the assumption that your

parents will disapprove of your boyfriend not being Indian,

why not openly and respectfully discuss the (potential) issue

with your parents directly? A few possible outcomes of such

a dialogue come to mind. You may be pleasantly surprised to

learn that your surmise of your parents’ disapproval (extent

of their disapproval) is unfounded. I have come across

peo-

ple who are surprised to learn, in some cases years after they

first presumed parental disapproval, that their parents were

actually accepting of their relationship with a non-Indian.

Even if your assumption of your parents’ disapproval bears

out, being open to learning the reason (s) behind your

parents’ disapproval may bring up potential issues you and/

or your boyfriend may not have thought about which may

prompt well-serving discussions between the two of you.

The success of your relationship with your partner will likely

depend to a large degree on your mutual willingness to listen

to each other’s viewpoints even when different, as well as

to honor each other’s relationship needs. Not only will

addressing this issue with your parents gift your parents with

the opportunity to be heard, but it will demonstrate to your

boyfriend that you are able to honor his need to not remain

a secret from your parents.

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