DE-Nov2012 Page1

Jasbina Ahluwalia

is an Indian-

American attorney turned entrepreneur,

Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host

and Matchmaker / Dating Coach. She is

the Founder / President of Intersections

Match, the only Elite

Personalized

Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm in the country

serving Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nation-

wide in the U.S. She is also the host of Intersections Talk

Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conver-

sations with published authors/experts on relationships,

health & wellness. For

info, please visit

www.IntersectionsMatch.com Feel free to submit a

Question to be considered for this column to Jasbina

directly at

Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.

QUESTION

When I’m out socially, guys don’t

tend to approach me. Is it a good

idea for me to approach guys

myself? To take it even further,

what about actually asking a guy,

who seems interesting, out? Does

doing these things seem confident

or desperate to guys?

ANSWER

by Jasbina Ahluwalia

As a dating coach to both men and women, I believe that most guys

will approach a woman they are interested in IF the woman clearly

gives the green light. What do I mean by “giving the green light?”

I mean giving the guy signs that you’re open to his approach in

other words, being approachable. Signs women give guys, which

allow them to feel that that their approach is unlikely to be rejected

include eye contact, smiling, open body language, and initiating

conversation.

Let’s discuss each of these in turn, beginning with the potent combi-

nation of eye contact and smiling. Signaling receptivity to approach

via eye contact and smiling involves the woman first making eye

contact with a guy, and then when the guy locks eyes with the

woman in return, the woman continuing to hold his eye contact for

a few more seconds, and then smiling.

Another signal of receptivity towards being approached involves

“open” body language, including uncrossed arms and legs. Sending a

signal via initiating conversation may be as simple as just warmly

greeting him with a friendly “hello;” asking for help of some sort,

i.e. directions or observing him and making a playful comment

about something you’ve observed. While being more approachable

may feel more natural to some women and less so to others, and

many of the nonverbal signs mentioned above oftentimes actually

occur at the unconscious level, conscious awareness and practice

can make cultivating approachability second-nature (and fun).

As many guys are not as adept at reading people as women, gener-

ally speaking, a woman may, for instance, need to make eye contact

and smile more than once and/or combine a few of the above sig-

nals to effectively give the green light. Now once a woman gives the

green light, there is typically no need to approach and/or ask most

guys out. If a guy doesn’t approach or ask you out after clearly being

given the green light, absent extenuating circumstances, he is

unlikely to be interested. An uninterested guy may be receptive to a

woman asking him out, but his lack of interest is likely to foreclose

any long-term potential, even if the two people end up going out.

Many guys take the path of least resistance, and will be open to see-

ing where a woman asking him out may lead even if they don’t be-

lieve there’s any relationship potential.

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