Jasbina Ahluwalia

is an Indian-American attorney turned entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Matchmaker / Dating Coach.

She is the Founder / President of Intersections Match, the only Elite

Personalized Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm in the country serving

Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nationwide in the U.S. Jasbina is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle

show featuring conversations with published authors/experts on relationships and health and wellness. For more information, please visit

www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Feel free to submit a Question to be considered for this

column to Jasbina

directly at

Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.

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QUESTION

I’m fortunate to have a great family,

good friends, and a successful career.

I feel like I’m in a good place, except

that I’m missing a partner with whom

I can share my life. While my parents

would like me to be proactive in

searching for a mate, I hear from

others that I’ll eventually meet

my special someone.

ANSWER

by Jasbina Ahluwalia

If you felt something missing in any other arena of your life, would you

just sit back and wait for it to happen, or be proactive? Is your love life

any less worthy of your time and energy?

As a first step, look internally before looking externally. Identify your

must-haves and deal-breakers. Differentiate between essential needs on

the one hand, and non-essential wants/preferences on the other.

Critically evaluate the underlying basis of each need: past relationships

or experiences, values, priorities, others’ expectations, and/or stereo-

types? Given each need likely narrows your pool of potentials, make

sure each need is truly essential (so you do not risk missing out on po-

tential partners with whom you could very well be happy). Do the same

for your deal-breakers. While this self-evaluative process may seem in-

volved, it will likely save you time, energy, and heartbreak, in the future.

Then it’s time to look externally. Have you told everyone in your life

that you’d be happy to meet any good eligible singles? Apart from

one-on-one introductions, having a party with friends where all the

guests show up with a platonic friend/ex is a great way to expand your

universe of potentials.

Are you going to singles events, or participating in activities that are

likely to have singles in attendance?

Are you dating online? Is your online search effective or half-hearted?

If you are posting a photo, is it an accurate representation of the best

version of yourself? Is your profile thoughtful and inviting? Are you

meeting potentials in-person instead of getting caught up in endless

email/phone/text communications?

Are you making snap judgments on first dates, or truly allowing yourself

to get to know your date with an open-minded mindset?

Have you considered hiring a matchmaker/dating coach if your time is

limited and you’d like to be as strategic as possible?

As in all other areas of life, endeavor to align your actions and efforts

with your values and goals. If you truly place a high value on your love

life, take action accordingly.