Jasbina Ahluwalia
is an
Indian-American attorney
turned entrepreneur, Relation-
ship Expert, Radio Show Host
and Matchmaker / Dating
Coach. She is the Founder /
President of Intersections Match, the only Elite
Personalized Matchmaking & Dating Coaching
Firm in the country serving Selective Singles of
South Asian descent Nationwide in the U.S. She
is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a
monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conver-
sations with published authors/experts on rela-
tionships, health & wellness. For
info, please
visit
www.IntersectionsMatch.com Feel free to
submit a Question to be considered for this
column to Jasbina directly at
Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.
QUESTION
I am 38-years-old, attractive,
successful and have been in a few
long-term relationships. The last one
was five years ago. Since then, I have
moved to Atlanta and have been
dating, but I am finding it harder
and harder to meet someone at my
age. I have tried Internet-dating
sites, as they seem to be the only way
that I can actually date. I haven't
met someone yet with whom I can
start a relationship. I wondered if
you had any advice on meeting some-
one, especially in my age group.
ANSWER
by Jasbina Ahluwalia
Great question. If it helps, you’re not alone. I regularly meet attractive and
successful women in their 30s who are finding it hard to meet someone. The
statistics aren’t in women’s favor. According to the 2000 U.S. Census, there
are 28 million single women and only 18 million single men over 35 years of
age in the U.S. Like other successful women, I’d guess you’ve been unde-
terred by unfavorable odds in other areas of your life. Likewise, I hope the
odds I’ve mentioned positively motivate you to be as proactive as possible in
the relationship arena of your life. Just as in other areas where you’ve
achieved your goals, align your actions with your goal of finding someone.
Here are some suggestions for concrete actions you can take:
1.
Cast a wider net. Be as open-minded to guys beyond the “type” to which
you may currently be restricting yourself. I always encourage clients to
prioritize their essentials/must-haves in terms of a partner, and then be as
flexible as possible to areas outside of those essentials.
2.
Let everyone in your life know that you are completely open to being
introduced. Many people will not volunteer introductions unless they
know you’re enthusiastic to receive them. If and when you do get an in-
troduction, remember to graciously thank the person who sets you up,
regardless of the outcome. Apart from one-on-one setups, throw a party
with friends where all the guests show up with an ex or platonic friend of
the opposite sex. This is a great way to meet eligible singles in a group.
3.
Attend events where you would expect to meet the kinds of guys you'd
like to meet. If you’re seeking an intellectual guy, consider book readings,
classes and membership with organizations such as the Council on For-
eign Relations or Commonwealth Club. If you’re seeking an athletic guy,
consider team sports or spend time in the weight room at the gym
(instead of restricting yourself to wearing headphones on cardio ma-
chines, or female-dominated aerobics and Pilates classes). Likewise, if
you’re seeking a civic-minded guy, consider volunteering with an organi-
zation you care about.
4.
Reflect on how you’ve approached online dating. Consider whether you
have strategically selected appropriate sites and create a thoughtful and
welcoming profile that reveals your authentic and unique self. Post pic-
tures that are accurate representations of the best version of yourself and
meet folks in person instead of getting caught up in endless email/
phone/text communications.
5.
Consider matchmakers and/or dating services to increase possibilities.
6.
Maintain a positive attitude and view each date as an adventure. But be
sure to also allow yourself down-time from dating, if you start to feel like
you need it.
Love & Relationships
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