Jasbina Ahluwalia

is an Indian-American attorney turned entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Matchmaker / Dating Coach.

She is the Founder / President of Intersections Match, the only Elite

Personalized Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm in the country serving

Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nationwide in the U.S. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show

featuring conversations with published authors/experts on relationships, health & wellness. For info, please visit

www.IntersectionsMatch.com Feel

free to submit a Question to be considered for this column to Jasbina directly at

Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.

QUESTION

1.

Given what I do for a living I

come across as a powerful

woman, often criticized by the

men I date as “too controlling.”

Is there a way to maintain the

integrity of my personality

without being perceived as

too controlling?

2.

So how do self-empowered

women act?

3.

In the past when I’ve been in-

volved in a relationship, I feel

like I’ve lost my identity in the

process. These days I’m very

careful to not seem needy, but

I’m worried that I’ve got a wall

up. Can you help?

ANSWER

by Jasbina Ahluwalia

1.

Let me assure you that you are not alone.

As a matchmaker and dating

coach to powerful men and women, I come across this issue frequently.

As a powerful woman, how do you feel when others try to control you?

Once you put yourself in a guy’s shoes, it’s easy to appreciate that women

who act controlling tend to repel

men.

Self-empowered women, on the other hand, magnetize men. Your

integrity lies in being a self-empowered woman more so than a woman

who exerts control over others, including men.

2.

They tend to be comfortable in their own skin, making those around

them comfortable as well.

Empowered women tend to have a strong sense of self, allowing them to

be accepting of themselves and others.

I'll leave you with one final thought:

Self-empowered women realize that

their true power lies in their ability to control their own thoughts and

actions, leaving little need to control others.

3.

It sounds like your behavior may be originating from a fear of rejection.

Consider shifting your focus to strengthening your sense of self-worth.

A strong sense of self allows you to risk emotional vulnerability without

risking your self-worth.

You sound like an introspective person.

This quality will serve you well

in finding and maintaining a great relationship. Why not make a list of all

your other great qualities?

This may help build up your sense of self.

Building intimacy in a relationship involves emotional vulnerability.

There's just no way to get around it. You can safely allow yourself to be

emotionally vulnerable once you believe that you are strong enough to

handle any outcomes.

Your power lies within you.

Love & Relationships

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