ANSWER

by Jasbina

Ahluwalia

you. Your question

reveals one of my dating

guidelines: since people

reveal themselves through

time and interaction, be open

to exploring compatibility by

allowing a relationship to

unfold over time and interac-

tion. Your example reminded

me of a presentation I attended at a matchmakers

conference a few years ago. The presenter, a research

professor of anthropology and the scientific advisor to a

division of Match.com, Dr Helen Fisher, had developed

a theory that while each of us is a combination of all

four personality types, each person primarily expresses

one of four broad personality types.

In her book, Why Him? Why Her?, Fisher explains how

understanding your partner’s personality type can help you

navigate the ups and downs in a relationship. From your

example, it appears that you are primarily an “Explorer,”

while your boyfriend is primarily a “Builder.” “Explorers”

are typically described as novelty-seeking, energetic,

risk-taking, and adventurous; whereas “Builders” are

characteristically cautious, conventional, stable and

respectful of rules and traditions.

While your differing temperaments can pose challenges, such

as that experienced during your travel, they can also result in

powerful complementary teamwork. An example of this

complementary teamwork: as you had mentioned the two of

you share the life goal of wanting kids, your future family life

can be enriched by the sense of adventure (provided by you)

and security and stability (provided by your boyfriend). Both

of your mindsets will likely determine the prospects of your

relationship. Do you positively focus on teamwork by viewing

each other’s differences as contributing complementary

strengths to the union; or alternatively, negatively focus on the

challenges by viewing each other’s differences as weaknesses

warranting modification?

QUESTION

My boyfriend and I recently took our

first trip together and now I find myself

wondering whether we have a future, or

are just too different to make it for the

long-term. While I’ve known for a while

that I’m more adventurous than he is, I

really never thought it might be an issue

given that we both share similar life goals

(we both want to have kids). The differ-

ences during our trip seemed even more

pronounced than when we’re together in

the city where we both live. To give you

just one example, while I was okay with

checking out a couple of sights, I found

my boyfriend’s idea of mapping out which

sights to see and when (not to mention

which meals we would eat and where)

completely boring. I wanted our days to

be unscheduled, so that we could head to

different areas of the city depending on

our mood that day, check out whatever

sights we came across, and stop in at lo-

cal restaurants along the way which

looked promising. Any hope for us?

Jasbina Ahluwalia

is an Indian-American attorney turned entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Match-

maker / Dating Coach. She is the Founder / President of Intersections Match, the only Elite

Personalized Matchmaking & Dating

Coaching Firm in the country serving Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nationwide in the U.S. She is also the host of

Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conversations with published authors/experts on relationships,

health & wellness. For

info, please visit

www.IntersectionsMatch.com Feel free to submit a Question to be considered for this

column to Jasbina directly at

Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.

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