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Jasbina Ahluwalia

is an Indian-

American attorney turned entrepre-

neur, Relationship Expert, Radio

Show Host and Matchmaker /

Dating Coach. She is the Founder /

President of Intersections Match,

the only Elite

Personalized Match-

making & Dating Coaching Firm in the country serving

Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nationwide in

the U.S. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio,

a monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conversations

with published authors/experts on relationships, health &

wellness. For

info, please visit

www.IntersectionsMatch.com Feel free to submit a

Question to be considered for this column to Jasbina

directly at

Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.

QUESTION

I was in a long-term relationship

with someone who I thought

would be “the One.” We broke

up a week ago, and I’m still

having a hard time getting over

my ex. Any suggestions?

ANSWER

by Jasbina Ahluwalia

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. Keep in mind you are not

alone. Most people tend to feel sad and disappointed after a

breakup. My first suggestion is to allow yourself to experience grief

in each of its five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and

acceptance). By allowing yourself to feel your feelings, rather than

burying your feelings and thereby likely keeping you stuck in the

past, you empower yourself to fully let go and move on.

Speaking of empowerment, I encourage you to internalize the

following mindset once you have reached the acceptance stage.

Remind yourself that events have no meaning in and of themselves

that is, until our minds choose what meaning to give them.

Choose to believe that your special someone is still out there (as

opposed to believing your ex WAS the love of your life, and that

you've now missed out on the chance for love). Ask yourself if

there are any learning opportunities from your experience with

your ex that can help you in your journey to your special someone.

Armed with this mindset, here are some other effective things you

can do to support your journey to your special someone.

~ Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, reconnect with

your joyful self, and avail of your support circle. What is most

fulfilling and meaningful for you? Spending time with family and

friends? Reading, travel, music, artistic pursuits? If sports or exercise

does not happen to be one of those activities you enjoy, consider

engaging in them anyway physical activity floods your body with

“feel-good” endorphins, and has actually been scientifically shown

to be effective in improving mood.

~ Cut off ALL contact with your ex for at least the next month.

Remove your ex from your online and offline life. Don’t call, text,

or email him/her. Don’t meet-up as “friends.” If you allow your

heart to stay connected to your ex, you will likely push away

potential Mr./Ms. Rights.

~ Instead of dwelling on any lack in your life stop and invigorate

yourself with feelings of gratitude for the blessings in your life

instead. Not only does this practice keep things in perspective

and make life more enjoyable, it tends to magnetize other

positive people to you.

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